Cellar Door, 10th November

It took me about five years to actually get to Cellar Door and it was a total anticlimax. The space itself is pretty cool – it’s a repurposed public toilet in the middle of Aldwych. You’d never know it was there unless you knew it was there. Downstairs they make the most of the space with mirrored walls – so much so I kept walking through thinking there was more to it. There wasn’t. Luckily there were two seats along the side so we quickly grabbed those and waited for the acts to start.

I will give Cellar Door the benefit of the doubt – maybe we just chose a dud night. It was basically a guy on keyboard with a walkabout cabaret singer doing numbers such as The House of the Rising Sun and In These Shoes and moving around the audience giving them her most personal of attention. I found it all a bit cringey and forced though perhaps I just wasn’t drunk enough.

Speaking of drinks, we ordered ‘martinis’ – mine the Cool as a Cucumber and Carolyn’s the London Calling. For martinis they were oddly frothy and not particularly potent. Mine tasted nice enough – but was too mild. Carolyn’s was similar – and more to her preference when it comes to strength.

We had our cocktail and then made a sharp exit before the singing started again! 

KaraUke, 21st July

KaraUke was a little shambolic but I think that’s part of its charm. No formal screens with the words lighting up as you go for KaraUke. Not even printed sheets of paper to sing along with a la Hip Hop Karaoke or Reggaeoke. No, you can hold an iPad and sing along to that, while the words are put up on a screen behind you so the audience can sing along, but the entire song is displayed at once which makes the words rather difficult to see.

I was also surprised that the ukulele band was in fact a proper band – not only were there several uke players but there was a bass guitar and a drum set. I was a little disappointed at first as it wasn’t quite as quaint as I was expecting but it was pretty cool to have a full band supporting you and made for a rounder sound.

They hold karaoke on the Tamesis Dock which has to be one of the quirkier pubs/venues around – a permanently moored boat decorated in a lively manner. In fact, I was chatting to a friend of the band and she said none of them live anywhere near it but they love it too much to switch to a different venue. The karaoke is held in the belly of the boat which made for a slightly stifling evening but it didn’t seem to mar people’s enjoyment.

There are no prizes but every performer gets a badge.There’s clearly a few regulars as jokes were made about the number of badges ‘Pete’ had accumulated and whether he could make it through the entire song menu in a year. That would be quite a feat but not as daunting as you might think as it’s limited to about 50 songs. There are a few classics and also songs they clearly just like (Tenacious D has two songs on there which you don’t find in most karaoke songbooks). The opening singer for tonight delved right in with one of these actually – Fuck her gently. In fact, thinking about it, there was quite a lot of swearing in the evening. That one... I did Creep... and another girl did Fuck you by Ceelo. It’s that kind of crowd.

They do two sets which have 9 singers each and while they’re not short on volunteers this seems about right and a few people were even able to sing twice. Quality was… variable… but  your own backing singer is there to help anyone out and carry the tune if it ever falls off a cliff. Everyone is encouraged to sing along and many people were dancing around too.

And all this for FREE!! Of course, they do very much appreciate donations and dedicate a bit of time sending round the ‘begging bowl’ as they do have rehearsal space and expenses and tings to deal with. Any monies they receive are well deserved.

Date Lab, 10th May

Date Lab aims to take the psychology behind why people end up with matches at traditional speed dating and mess with it to level the playing field. So there are some rules to abide, and things are done a little differently to shake things up.

Women cannot wear red and are encouraged to wear black and something that shows off their figure. Men should dress smartly but not ridiculously slow. The amount of time you spend talking to the member of the opposite sex is short. Very short. Unnervingly short. It is only three minutes and by the time you’ve sat down and said hello you feel you’ve barely said anything before you have to move on and start again. It certainly keeps you on your toes and goes far too quickly for you to really make any judgments about anyone, let alone write them down.

But you don’t have to – yet. Another one of their rules to be broken is that instead of just getting one shot at someone, you speak to them twice. The first time, the men stay in their seats and the women move round. Turning another speed dating paradigm on its head. But for the second round women get to rest their feet and the men come to them. And, I suspect, we had a little longer to chat. This makes sure the power dynamic stays even, as apparently when you’re the stationary one, you are more critical of the people coming to you to be passed judgment upon. Makes sense I think.

In case you run out of things to say, they helpfully provide conversation starter questions. At first we weren’t sure if we were supposed to be using them or not but realized that they weren’t mandatory. Sometimes we used them, sometimes we didn’t. Sometimes I was very grateful for them, even if I did end up answering the same questions a couple of times.

It seems to be a generally accepted truth that more women sign up to speed dating events than men, for whatever reason that is. And that when men sign up the calibre is… let’s just say… uneven. Well, I don’t know how they did it but Date Lab managed to get the basement of The Coin Laundry (a bit of a retro-themed new bar in Exmouth Market) full of people who were pretty much all the right side of attractive, and mainly a young, 20sish kinda crowd.

I don’t go to speed dating to find the love of my life. I go for something fun to do, hopefully to chat to some entertaining people and if anything else happens it’s a bonus. I did actually get a few matches out of the event… they boast a 90% success match rate…but none have turned into anything. Perhaps that just means I need to return. 

Thom Foole's House Party, 5th May

What even is Thom Foole’s House Party, we kept asking ourselves as we waited for the upstairs to open. None of us were sure what we were letting ourselves in for. But we took the gamble and it paid off.

It’s a comedy night of s special sort. With our inimitable host Wilmot Brown, several acts took to the stage and had many of the audience literally crying with laughter.

These comedians are all ‘character’ stand-up with their own stage personas. And none of them were afraid to push the envelope. It was all very surreal and I can see that it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you like things a little off-kilter and making very little sense, then dive on into this night. We had a blast.

Wilmot himself is an older ‘gentleman’ (played by Marny Godden), certainly not suffering from a lack of confidence even if his career has seen better days. He’s a frisky sort too – at one point a member of the audience had been captured and was sequestered to the bed (why is there a mattress on stage??) for potential romantic liaisons later. 

The Establishment were the first act of the night (and perhaps my favourite) – two uberposh men, who crept through the audience uttering nothing but ‘mmmms’ and lasvicious ‘yeses’ as they peered at the audience members they passed. They were quintessential country Englishmen and dithered about onstage giving us a little window into their lives of silliness and casual arms dealing. 

We then had Lee Kern whose persona was someone incredibly awkward whose comedy act was to give us a presentation on the history of Rock and Roll. It was boring, it was dry and factual, he danced awkwardly, it was hilarious.

In between acts we had games! Yes, games. Musical statues, the equivalent of grandmother’s footsteps, charades, one lucky guy even got to play Kiss Chase with Wilmot. And there was a maypole dance. Oh – and Limbo! Yes, this night has it all.

Oh Standfast did what he called poetry/standup/art depending on whether you laughed or not (don’t laugh and it’s poetry, laugh and it’s standup – don’t get it? It’s art). And Sophie Pelham came on board with her two plastic babies strapped to her chest. I really liked the premise of her act and thought there was potential although it didn’t get quite the same belly laughs as some of the others.

The headline act was Mr Frank Sanazi himself. This old rogue is a crooner with the Axis of Evil rat pack, belting out the hits of Old Blue Eyes with a decidedly fascist twist. Expect lots of clever wordplay, taking some of the lyrics you’ve got to know and love and making them altogether more sinister. I think Frank was a pretty class act - he managed to get down the mannerisms of Frank Sinatra yet segue seamlessly into an impersonation of Mr Hitler. Who would have thought that combination would work so well?

If you’re of a sensitive nature then this night may not be for you, but if you’re up for a laugh, then you will get many at this event. Thom Foole knows how to throw a party.

Chill Pill, 10th March

It was no surprise that Chill Pill was great. I had been forewarned that it would be so, plus their reputation as one of ‘the’ spoken word collectives is widely known.

We got there a tad late so I think we missed the first open mic spot but other than that we saw the full show. It says something when even the open mic performers are of a ridiculously high quality. It attracts that. The ‘amateurs’ get to do one piece each, which I think is fair. We had someone reflecting on their love affair, someone imagining they were teaching the way of the world to their son, and another just giving us words that have helped her – basically go for it. But it wasn’t limited to spoken word. Gecko brought his guitar sang an incredibly amusing ditty about what it must be like to be in the painting opposite the Mona Lisa – neglected… unloved. Or is it…?

I think I had seen one of the two headliners before (there are only so many spoke word ‘stars’ to go around) but thinking about it, I think I may have seen her when she was first starting out. Anyway, she was amazing – Jasmine Ann Cooray. She spoke of her dad who has passed away and the love of her man’s hands with warmth and wit.

Of course The Chill Pill collective did a little of their own work as well – our host – Simon –treating us to various haiku inspired by his infant son. Deanna gave us a poetry video, where she questioned her desire to become famous and rich – something that hasn’t entirely gone away. She wondered if spoken word would be as powerful coming through a screen and I can confirm that it is.

The final act was Jack Flash who even had a backing band – one person on guitar and Karim (who co-runs Outspoken) on piano. He was an excellent performer, but somehow, even though I could agree with the message he was promoting, I didn’t warm to his act. Perhaps, as a cynical person my instinct was to roll my eyes at such blatant, earnest, political belief. Yeah, yeah, we’re all just human, we should be looking out for each other; whevs. Others I'm sure would find it rousing.

I'm not a regular visitor to such parts as Deptford but this was well worth the journey. 

Karaoke Rumble, 17th February

Karaoke Rumble is an odd night but it’s a hell of a laugh.

Hosted by the legendary Quint Fontana (the name may be familiar, he was huge in the 80s and 90s [or so he says]) this is a mix of comedy, karaoke and the X Factor.

Things kicked off at around half eight but there wasn’t even any singing until 9:30. At least, not by us mere plebs. There was however, an appearance by the French Queen of Ballads herself: Celine Dion**. She was just the first of the pop pals of Quint’s who apparently drop by these nights on the reg. Celine was in fine fettle and treated us to her most famous song – My Heart Will go On. The same cannot be said for poor Ronan Keating*** who turned up piss drunk and dressed in garbage bags. He’s fallen on hard times has Ronan. He didn’t even want to sing at first but he was forced cajoled into it by Quint and soon found his stride. If he makes a comeback, you heard it here first!

Quint's larger than life personality was entertainment enough but there was, of course, the singing. Those brave enough to put their names down had two minutes in which to impress the audience. You could be booed off in that time and if you made it before the buzzer went, you were in the final. To add insult to injury, three members of the audience were given plastic bags and if they all decided you were crap by putting the bag over their heads, that was it, you were out.

The overall winner is decided by the incredibly scientific method of clapping. A tried and trusted system.

There are no songbooks because they're using Lucky Voice's system and pretty much have anything you can think of. I managed to squeak into the final but next time I'd give a little more thought to my choice. You might not think it but 2 minutes goes by quickly so you want a song that is going to make an impact within that time!

I had a total blast and will definitely be trying to make room for this in my schedule again in the near future.  

**May not have been the real Celine Dion

***May not have been the real Ronan Keating.

Bound, 6th November

Bound is not for the faint-hearted if the one I attended is anything to go by.

It is a night for shibari enthusiasts and novices alike, shibari being the Japanese art of rope bondage. It was held at the Flying Dutchman which hosts many an alternative night, and is a cool, quirky little venue, though not the ideal set up for a performance space as we soon found out. If you didn’t nab your place, and were shorter than 6 foot, seeing any of the performances was out of the question. I realized this after the second act though and didn’t make the same mistake twice.

To start, there is some mingling, and then a demonstration of how to do some basic tying. There is plenty of rope around and people brought their own and there is time to practise and do some tying amongst yourselves before the performances start.

There were five scheduled for the night, due to end by 11:30. I ended up leaving at midnight (only just getting the last tube home) and had to miss the final act as they were so behind schedule.

I can only imagine what the last performance was about as the acts definitely increased in intensity as the night wore on.

Suspension featured in every act, but the level of ‘violence’ in each varied. The first act was quite gentle really – tender almost, with none of the tying looking too vicious. The second was the one I couldn’t really see but seemed to take this up a notch with a little more sadomasochism involved. The third show was thrilling and beautiful – a self-tying performance of twirls and sweeps as the girl expertly tied and untied herself to support her movements.

And finally (for me) an act fraught with tension and power that was almost difficult to watch. What made it bearable for me was knowing that the two involved likely had a deep connection and of course that everything that took place was consensual in some way. The previous pieces had been set to music but for this there was none. You could feel the puzzlement in the room as to why this was so (and a touch of boredom setting in) but as it went on, you realized how inappropriate music would have been and also how unnecessary. The girl of the pair, dressed in a sarong and flower pasties was trussed and bound until her knees were bent and she was hanging against a vertical pole. The rope around her looked menacing and cutting. Her pose was awkward and uncomfortable. She was expertly manoeuvred into several different positions – some better for the flogging she was subjected to. The tension built and built until it culminated in a final humiliation and her being untied, collapsing into her "tormentor"’s arms, her beautiful hair unpinned and falling over her face, where she quietly wept. (In relief? In pain? In ecstasy?). I couldn’t tell if I was turned on or horrified. That was almost a month ago and even now I can picture it all clearly, it was so striking and affecting.

I really wish I could have seen the final performance as well but Camberwell is hard enough to get back from when the tubes were running so off we dashed like Cinderella. 

Hot Since 91 90s Karaoke, 29th October

If you didn’t know, I’m a bit of a fan of karaoke, and I especially enjoy a themed karaoke night. But the universe seems to be somewhat stacked against me when it comes to enjoying such things – the last time I had planned on going to Gospeloke I was struck down with a throat infection and so it was when 90s karaoke was on the agenda. At least this time I managed to make it, even if singing was off the cards for me.

It was a cracking night – held at The Macbeth every third Thursday of the month, they take over the whole building and put on a total 90s party. Downstairs is where the karaoke action happens, kicking off at around 9:30 but there’s plenty to do beforehand with facepainting on offer, 90s games (like Connect Four and Operation) and videogames (I think maybe a SNES) on the second floor, and free cotton candy being given away. They also brought out free fried chicken at one point too but getting your mitts on that was near impossible.

The music policy is definitely more old school 90s RnB than just 90s but the song selection for singing runs the gamut of pop to indie to RnB. We had someone doing Gangsta's Paradise and a group drunkenly doing Aqua's Barbie Girl! Quality from those performing was variable but that's half the fun. Everyone sang along anyway, and there was a lot of grooving in between people doing their songs. I just loved the host and the DJ in charge seemed to be having a whale of a time too. They had 'bonus rounds' of Guessing the intro which invoked a bit of carnage as people leapt to grab the mic as soon as they recognised the song - then you won a shit prize and had the opportunity to sing the intro. Definitely on my list as one to return to.

The Piano Works, 25th September

A friend of mine told me all about the lovely evening he’d had at this newly opened Piano Bar in Farringdon which I’d never heard of, and as soon as he’d mentioned it, for the next week or so I couldn’t move for seeing this place talked about.

So I got straight on it and booked an area for my Meetup. I knew there were two pianos and throughout the night the band was built up around them. They work strictly on a request basis so anything can be played, from Dean Martin to Weezer depending on what the crowd is asking for.

By the time we got there the band were in full activation and it was clear there were quite a few after-work parties there that were well oiled. My group settled down right next to the bandstand and had a jolly time. Given the fact that anyone could request, some of the music was a little too crowdpleasing and cheesy for me, but I really enjoyed the atmosphere and was tempted on more than one occasion to get up and dance. The two pianists take turn singing the songs, and at one point one of them swapped out with a girl pianist who had a better voice than both of them by miles.

The other downside to the music being purely on a request basis is that everyone wants to request songs, and they hint that for yours to stand a chance of being played you need to include a tip. But even so, there’s no way they are going to get to everyone’s and I’m sure they must gauge the audience in deciding which songs make the cut. Our waitress did say that if our songs weren’t played we would get our money back but we didn’t really expect them to follow through on this and when the place was shutting at the end of the night we were proved correct. Did we mind? Not really – we’d had such a good time we stayed right until the end and 2 quid wasn’t something we minded losing out on for the evening’s entertainment.

Entry is free before 9 pm, £5 before 10 pm and £10 after but if you make a group booking of 10 or more you can save the entrance fee. With Christmas coming up this is the ideal work night out. 

Are You Game?, 23rd September

What do you get when you cross funfair games, a gameshow and a cabaret and throw in a heavy pinch of smut? You get Are You Game by Fowl Cabaret that’s what!

I had no idea what to expect from this ‘interactive gameshow’ but what I got was a whole lot of fun. And I wasn’t even drinking! Sober fun!

We got there and I immediately regretted my ‘day job’ clothes as we and took in everyone else’s outfits and were greeted by a sparkly Unicorn man. People in the know had dressed for the occasion. We were given a couple of tokens and, even though we read the ‘rules’ (No biting – only with consent) weren’t really much the wiser as to what was going on. But it soon became clear. The evening started with some games you could take part in, using your tokens to ‘pay’ to take part and if you won, you got more tokens. Why would you want more tokens? Well – to play the other games and to take part in the installations. And to win the coveted Egg Cup award at the end.

Games on offer were Ball Buster, Panty Pinging, Scrapple, and Waft of Fortune. Each was manned by a madcap gamesmaster who took on a larger than life character. I never found out how Scrapple worked, but I tried all the others. Waft of Fortune involved spinning the wheel and trying to guess the smell you landed on. I failed. Then we tried Ball Buster – tying some pantyhose that had two balls in the legs around your waste and then trying to knock down some little cones before your opponent. It was much tougher than it sounds especially when you're laughing the whole time. And finally, we pinged some panties which had the longest build up and explanation of a game ever – far too long-winded to go into here (it involved lots of screaming and selfies). 

Then we were all called over to the stage where the main even began. First, Mystal Craze – the chance to compete for a private ‘show’ no one else would see, and of course, some sort of glory. Two teams were pitched against each other and had to a) create a structure out of cheese and pineapple, b) decorate a cake blindfolded and c) eat doughnuts off their teammate without using their hands. Naturally these doughnuts were arranged as a bra and a pair of knickers.

We then had a musical interlude from Dr Clive singing about cross-dressing pirates and cannibalism.

We were granted a short break to continue the game-playing mayhem and investigate the installations. We entered the Church of Clarkson, a bizarre shrine to Mr Jeremy C where we were accepted into the fold after a short sermon (a reading of The World According to Clarkson) and promising to renounce Corbyn and Piers Morgan and vote Tory.

Later on, we were lucky enough to enter the Love Stop café where we indulged in a three course meal of finger dancing, shoulder massage and then a tasty dessert of dancing and complimenting. This was a meal to nourish your heart, not your stomach.

We then returned to watch the last interactive games and the final acts on stage – some guy sticking a drill up his nose and turning it on, someone doing a striptease that featured cracking eggs down her naked body and culminated with pouring copious amounts of baked beans all over herself. You know, the usual.

All of this was expertly hosted by the deliciously sexy Lolo Brow who makes any event worth a visit.

I didn’t know what to expect but I loved what I got. They promised an even bigger and better show for next time though how they can top that I do not know. 

Crick Crack Club, 16th September

If you ever doubted the magic of storytelling then going to the Crick Crack Club will convert you. Clare Murphy had us eating out of her hand we were so rapt, so enthralled by the stories she wove. She put her entire being into them, so that they really did come to life in your mind.

Crick Crack Club has been going for yonks and hosts regular storytelling nights and festivals in London and beyond. Each one is a little bit different with a different theme. The one we went to had just the one storyteller, and she was given a brief and from that decided on the story(ies) she would tell. The first half was taken up by one large story – The King of Lies – but which involved at least two stories within that story. I wouldn’t say that Clare exactly ‘acted’ the stories out but she certainly seemed to become each character while also playing the role of narrator and imbuing her stories with impudent fun, a knowing wink here or there. The night we went to was one of several called ‘Fairytales for Grownups’ and the main story she told was centred around a Syrian King who decided he wanted to document in his book every lie ever told. And what is a story if not a lie? So all across the land all the great storytellers of all the different nations lined up outside to concoct the best story/lie they could. And if they failed? They died. This was a perfect premise for setting up within this story several ‘lies’ that each of the storytellers brought to tell the king. And, of course, the king wasn’t the most ethical character in the world, and the outcome was morally satisfying.

The second half was a Q & A which was interesting (even if a lot of the people there were a little pretentious in their eagerness to show off just how much they were storytelling aficionados). We learned the difference between storytelling ‘schools’ and just how Clare goes about learning a story and making it her own, how they become such a part of her, recalling one is like recalling a fond memory.

Crick Crack Club hosts several nights a month – some with the fairytale theme, some with something different, some with musical accompaniment, some without. If you love storytelling then this night is the epitome of it, if you’re not sure, then this will convince you. Enchanting. 

Drink Shop Do Birthday, 12th August

I am no stranger to Drink Shop Do. I used to work around the corner from the place and on my first visit went there for lunch and was back again for drinks that night. When I wanted to celebrate my birthday, they had by that time opened Drink Shop Dance in the old sex shop below so this is where we ended up and had an excellent night. I found myself there again for a vintage hen do, where we all had our hair and makeup done while having afternoon tea. But I had never been to one of their ‘Doing’ events so when I was invited for their fifth birthday party I was quite excited.

They’re famed for nights involving arts and crafts or just being silly – such as Doodle Shop, making Lionel Richies out of Rich tea biscuits, and also having lunchtime discos. On their birthday we had a round of Lego robots and then some Musical bingo. I’ve played musical bingo before (though not with Jess Indeedy) so I knew what to expect and it was just as fun as the original night – she played mostly 90s hits that were as fun to dance in your seat to as playing the game of bingo itself. Prizes were such things as pom poms and fake mohawks – what more could you want?

For lego robots the rules were simple – it had to have a name, a special power, and limbs of some sort I seem to recall. I was quite pleased with my half-truck-half-oven creation but didn’t end up submitting it as it kept falling apart.

We had been treated to some delicious cocktails throughout the evening (as well as some delightful cakes and sandwiches to soak it up) and also, rather magically, bubbles of gin and tonic! Actually catching these was quite difficult but I managed to get a couple in my mouth. 

At the end of the bingo everyone made a conga line to the basement where the party continued and I started sipping on some frozen slushie margaritas and dancing around. Hell of a birthday party. And the perfect excuse to draw your attention to my previous post about Drink Shop Do. Here’s to another five years at least!

Longplayer, 1st August

Longplayer is a ‘melody’ that lasts a thousand years. Hence the name. More of an art project than a composition, it has been designed to be future proof so that it may be played continuously no matter the technology that arises. Since hearing of its creation I have been intrigued and wanted to get to one of its listening posts. You can tune into it anytime online but I thought being at one of the places it was broadcast physically would be a better experience.

It also provided an excuse to discover Trinity Buoy Wharf with all its artistic oddities and take a stroll along the Lea discovering more things along the way.

There isn’t much at Trinity Buoy Wharf but it has become a bit of an artists’ hub and there are strange sculptures and artworks all around which I was delighted by. Longplayer is housed in London’s only lighthouse so I think that is worth seeing as well. As you go in, the strange, ringing sound envelopes you, and in front of you is a set of bowls that were used to play part of the song live. The tune is continuously evolving, never repeating, and is a slightly eerie, but calming sound. You go up some stairs and can take a seat and just listen for a while. It was peaceful yet melancholic.

I decided not to get anything from Fat Boy’s Diner and instead get some exercise by walking to Stratford which took me along the River Lea and through some parks and generally lead me to explore a part of London I would never have wandered through otherwise. An excellent day trip.

Alternative Nightlife June-July 2015

I keep saying I’ll start doing more posts which give a heads up on upcoming events and then I get so behind on my actual blog posts I don’t! But here’s another stab at it.

Basically, here’s a bit of a rundown of what’s coming up on my Meetup over the next month, so if you fancy coming along, do feel free!

First up this weekend we’re heading to Paperworks which has been the year-long pop-up outside space brought to you by Corsica Studios. They have DJs and food and it’s sounded fun so we’re going on its final weekend!

Next weekend is a big one – it’s Antichrist’s 11^th birthday July 3rd so we’re going along to that. This is only my third Antichrist, and, even though it wasn’t hugely busy last time, I had a really good night and I expect it to be even better on its birthday. My first visit coincided with such an occasion and I loved it.

Then, the next night (the 4th), a complete change of pace. Bourne and Hollingsworth, the supremos in themed party nights (Blitz, Prohibition) have a new one! This time we’re only going back as far as the 90s, with Playback. This feels a little too recent in my mind to make a theme around it but if anyone can do it, B & H can! They’re promising the finest music of the era, some live acts, décor harking back to the 90s and drinks inspired by the colour/tackiness of the time as well (frozen daquiris and wibbles anyone?)! Dress up in your finest denim and fringerie and come along!

In fact, the Meetup are back in Bourne & Hollingsworth’s presence the weekend after that as well, when we attend the Chap Olympiad. Nothing but the silliest/most refined sports to be enjoyed from this event – things like moustache wrestling or, of course umbrella jousting. Spiffing!

And then I’m rounding off the month with another dip into the kinky side of life – my first Camden Crunch. As I haven’t been before I don’t know what exactly to expect – it’s a more laid back, casual event than other fetish nights as it’s not a proper clubnight, more of a get together party. But I’m sure it will be full of the lovely folk I’ve come to expect from these sorts of things.

In between all these weekend shenanigans, we’ve got some immersive theatre to get to at The Jetty again. We really enjoyed The Boy who Climbed out of his Face from Shunt there last year and hope that Zebedee Productions can put the shipping containers to equally good use with Heartbreak Hotel. And there’s some silly fun to be had as Last Man Standing Quiz is back on the 1^st of July! All the fun of a pub quiz without the pressure to actually know anything!

Reggaeoke, 13th May

Reggaeoke has already established itself quite well in Brixton, having been going for about a year down there. I went along to its Eastside launch at the Queen of Hoxton. 

Reggaeoke is exactly what you might think it is - karaoke but all the songs are reggae! There was a decent turnout - the night is clearly popular enough down South to warrant some of the regulars making an appearance in Hipsterhood. And I can see why. The whole night had a bit of a party vibe, with the crowd being encouraged to sing along and support the performers on stage. For me (and I daresay quite a few others) just listening to the songs was enough as it was like revisiting my childhood with all the songs my dad would play at home.

The roster of songs you can perform is just great but I have to warn you if you're thinking about giving it a go - reggae is HARD! I was thinking about performing but I was too chicken. Every time I thought about doing a particular song I realised I didn't really know that many words. Then someone else would do the song and I would thank God I didn't bother trying it as the lyrics were much more difficult to 'sing' than I expected. 

Also - unlike with regular karaoke, all you get is the screen with the songs - no bouncy ball to help you along. 

Something like Night Nurse was quite straightforward but even Uptown Top Ranking and Murder She Wrote are trickier than you'd think! Not to mention Gimme the Light!

Some of the people were just awesome and knew the songs back to front. Others, errrr... less so. But it was all a lot of fun and if reggae is your bag then this is a great way to enjoy that music.

There are prizes for the best performance (ie not necessarily the best singer) but I didn't end up staying long enough to see who won though there were definitely a few contenders. Janine, the founder also makes an excellent host, being supportive to the performers and encouraging the audience to get involved. She's running a really fun night.

Citydash - Fire hazard, 5th April

I guess cos solving clues in a locked room isn’t enough for me, I decided to sign up to a similar thing but one where you’re chased. That’s right, there are guards protecting the very thing you’re seeking and they WILL pursue you to stop you getting your goal. It’s terrifying and exhilarating and the hardest running I’ve done outside since I was a child.

So, the premise – there are, hidden around a certain (and rather wide-ranging) area, various checkpoints – in our case, cos it was Easter, they were little eggs. These eggs had codes on them. The aim of the game is to get the most points out of all the teams playing. Each checkpoint has a code and when you enter it to the web page for your team, you collect the points. The clues you have to solve help you figure out where these checkpoints are. Smartphones are essential. But that’s all very simple and this game is not. No – there are extra points for being the first team to reach a checkpoint, and checkpoints have different amounts of points allocated to them depending on how easy they are to either find, or just get to. You see, points are deducted if one of the guards (in our case dressed as bunnies because Easter, again) spots you and ‘catches’ you. When you start the game you pin individual codes to yourself and if a guard enters your code into their web page, you’re ‘caught’. You’re not out of the game, but as well as points being deducted from your team, you get frozen out of that zone and can’t collect anymore checkpoints. So, when you see those guards, you know what you do? You RUN! And run and run. And then you cautiously creep back to where that checkpoint is, and they’re still there! And they’re after you again! And you’re pelting it away until you can be sure they’re not on your back. Me and my team got trapped like this for what felt like an age early on when we’d actually found our first checkpoint but couldn’t go to the next one without a guard being in the way.

But, you can get your own back a little. Each guard also has a code pinned to them and if you enter that then you get points as well. This is actually a key thing to remember. My team happened to be spotted quite frequently and we forgot to take advantage of entering our guards’ codes when we had a chance.

This is a really fast-paced game – you get given a set of checkpoints to find at the start but as the game keeps going more and more open up – you need to constantly be planning and strategizing on the fly to get as many points as you can. Your original strategy may go completely out the window, especially if you’re frozen out of a zone.

Now, this happened to us frequently. We’d get to a checkpoint only to be told the code we’d entered wasn’t counted – we’d been spotted again. More accurately, our over six foot friend wearing the bright red top had been spotted. We were caught so much we actually won a prize for it at the end. When us two, smallish girls in dark clothing stood up with our giant red teammate, everyone laughed because it was immediately obvious who had cost us so many points. However, he was also our secret weapon because he lived in the area we were running around and knowing the area was invaluable in figuring out where the checkpoints were. He may have cost us lots of points but we probably also only got as many as we did because of him. Knowing the area is a huge advantage.

This sort of game is quite physical so it’s not for everyone but I found all the running around to be a blast, even though I didn’t exactly enjoy being chased. Next time we’re coming back faster, stronger, and stealthier!

I think one reason I might have enjoyed all the running is that it made me feel a lot less guilty about going to the Fry Hard pop up straight after where we indulged in lots of deep fried goodness – my friend and I shared deep fried: cheese strings, cherry bakewell, slice of lemon cake, Tunnock’s caramel, pickle and a fudge. So incredibly bad but oh so good. Probably good it was only there for a weekend.  

The Widow's Bun Ceremony, 3rd April

London is full of strange rituals and ceremonies – the Ceremony of the Keys where a Beefeater goes round locking up the Tower of London every night (and you can go and watch) is one on a large scale. At the other end of the scale is the touching ceremony held every year at the Widow’s Son pub in Bow. It also doubles as an exuse for a right ol' knees up.

Legend has it that a woman’s son went to sea and was due to return home at Easter so she baked him a hot cross bun and put it in the window for him. He didn’t turn up, but having faith that one day he would, and not wanting him to think she’d given up hope, each year she did the same. When she died and the place was turned into a pub, the pub upheld the tradition. So, each year, at 3 pm on Good Friday, a hot cross bun is hoisted into a net which hangs above the bar in remembrance of the original sailor and also, as it turns out, other sailors who have passed away over the years. Locals and non-locals alike gather to take part in/observe this East End tradition and it is quite a merry affair with music blaring, and a big spread laid on. At 3 pm on the dot a young sailor is lifted into the air to do the honours and everyone sings along to some sea shanty (I presume) and also God Save the Queen. And then we have a moment of silence as we remember those in the community who passed away, which is quite moving. But they soon lift the mood again with some tunes and that quickly gives way to karaoke.

It provides an excellent excuse to drop into a local pub which still has a community about it. There were the typical East End characters – older brazen ladies all done up in their war paint, hair and nails immaculate. There were attendees young and old, and of course, plenty of sailors. We stuck around for a couple of pints (a round was only just over £6!) and Stephen made sure to sample one of the many, many hot cross buns baked for the occasion and then  we headed off for our normal 'hipster' lives…

(Picnic at) The Horniman Museum, 21st March

I have had on my List for about four years ‘picnic at Horniman museum’. Does eating a slice of chicken and ham pie in the cold count? I think so.

For our day’s diversions we took Stephen’s mum and her husband to the Horniman museum where they also happened to have a farmer’s market on. The best looking stall was the one dishing out sausages in baps but by the time I joined the queue they had run out of rolls so instead I got the pie. Tasty, but not the best thing to eat in the biting cold. We then went into the Horniman itself and whiled away a couple of hours staring at all the taxidermied animals. Sure it's kind of morbid but that's half the fun (the other half maybe being a juvenile delight in the name of the museum itself).

The most famous of which is, of course, the Walrus – stuffed so full that none of his natural wrinkles exist (it even has its own Twitter account). This is such a cute story from this age of exploration – people were going out and having these adventures, bringing back tales (and specimens) of exotic animals but the people back in Blighty had only the intrepid explorer’s descriptions or they had to guess at what the animal looked like. Hence overstuffing Mr Walrus. They didn’t know he had wrinkles in the wild.

How much fun can a museum full of stuffed animals be? Well, quite a lot actually. They have so many types of wildlife and species on show, we easily spent an hour wandering through it all. It gives you a chance that you would get many other places to get up close to animals of all shapes and sizes. So what if they’re dead? And, I must admit, in many cases, rather mangy looking. Some of them are more than a little forlorn. The accompanying text is a bit 'students on a field trip' but ignore that and it's just as fun for an adult to meander through and look these animals in their beady dead eyes.

They also had an exhibition on Romanians in London and a gallery dedicated to African art and culture which looked quite interesting but interest from my other parties was beginning to wane so we headed back into town for Blacklock.

Bogan Bingo, 12th March

If there’s one thing that can be said about the Aussies it’s that they now how to party. So as soon as you let them loose on bingo, you know it’s going to get a lot messier than most bingo you’ve ever played (unless you’re familiar with Rebel Bingo).

The name of the game is Aussie chavs, or Bogans, and our hosts for the evening really ham this up. Honestly, they are so immersed in their roles, high-octane the whole time, I don’t know how they find the energy to do it on a weekly basis. The Slug in Fulham is completely taken over for the evening by the Bogan boys and their bingo ballerz and there are lots of drink offers on as well as some dude food to soak it up. Thirty wings for £7.45? FIFTY for £9.45? What a bargain! We got there quite early and apart from the cheesy songs being played, wondered where the 'bogan' was going to come in. That is, until Trevor and his co-host come in, fully ‘okkered up’ with mullets, vests, denim cut-off shorts and strewth! some fruity language to get you going. Music is full throttle and you just have to be even louder to compete and claim your prize (though luckily they use microphones so you can hear the numbers being called).

There are a few rules. Or should I say rituals. To do it right, if you got bingo you had to do rock horns, grab your crotch, clench your butt and shout ‘BLOODY BINGO!’ And that was just to start. For any number ending in one, you were encouraged to shout ‘up your bum’, for 55 you gave everyone near you high fives, for any number ending in 3, one half of the room drinks, any number ending in 7 the other half does. Six meant ‘your tits’ and if any girls actually got them out, you got a drink for each nipple. This number didn’t seem to make an appearance until near the end of the night when plenty of people were liquored up enough to actually do it!  What with all of this, plus the music blaring and the Bogan Boys dancing, there wasn’t much time to play the actual bingo, so it was limited to two games. Usual rules applied – you were looking for a line, two lines and then full house. And yes, professional dabbers were used.

We were heartily and strenusouly warned - this is all about winning. Taking part counts for nothing! If you weren’t a winner, you were a loser. And who would want ot be a loser when there were such fab prizes as a framed photo of a panda on a slide, and a cereal dispenser, not to mention a Rick Astley dustpan and brush! But there were serious prizes on offer as well such as bottles of wine, £25 bar tabs and a real trip to Egypt!! To win a prize you first had to get bingo, and then you were invited up to pick from the board of famous bingo bogans including a fat kid of the week and Jesus (long hair, sandals, water into wine – of course he’s an Aussie!).

Then at half time there was an air guitar competition (though no one really beat the hosts at their own game) and there was also a round of guess the 80s or 90s theme tune for a free drink.

The music wasn’t necessarily my thing but it was hard to fall for the sheer brute charm of the event and the music all adds to the theme. It was mainly 80s and 90s cheesy rocky anthems like Black Betty, Dancing in the Dark, Summer of 69 which you can bop to while the hosts dance around like loons. Everything is turned up to 11 – this is ROCK bingo. They don’t just spin those balls, there’s a smoke machine and plenty of tongue action!

The grand prize is well worth entering for that alone (as usual I won a sum total of nothing – bingo is not kind to me) but it is an absolute blast. The pub stays open way after midnight and you’re encouraged to stay and keep the party going. But unfortunately, it was on the wrong side of town for me (it’s one negative point) so I couldn’t stay to see what kind of carnage it descended into.

Best LDN Walks, 5th March

Best LDN Walks was brought to my attention via Twitter – someone I know had been on one of their walks where they find all the seven noses of Soho and me and Charlotte, the girl who runs it, got chatting and lo and behold, we organized for my meetup group to go along to one of her walks. She has about 11 different routes, but the ones that stood out as most appropriate for my group were the Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls and Haunted Pubs tour. I went with the sex.

We met at London Bridge where the scene was set – North London in days gone by was the posh bit, and South London was where things got interesting – where the drinking and the partying and the fornicating happened. Then we wended our way through Southwark and Borough, with Charlotte telling us the more salubrious history of the places through which we travelled. I have been on a few tours in my time (Duck Tour, Ghost Bus Tour) not to mention being generally interested in London’s history and landmarks so expected that I would know a good chunk of what we covered already. And yes there was quite a lot that I had either visited already myself, or had heard of, but there was more than enough that I hadn’t to make it worth my while. Charlotte seems to be a sponge, continually researching and discovering the hidden histories of London. For example, we stopped off for a drink about halfway through at a lovely pub and she got us all ‘singing’ a Tudor drinking song she’d only just unearthed. We didn’t know the tune but we muddled along anyway.

We heard all about the wicked Bishop of Winchester and his poor Geese (prostitutes), and visited the famous Crossbones Graveyard where they were buried. We went through Borough Market and learned the origins of many a phrase such as ‘umble pie, being dirt poor and pulling your leg (that one particularly gruesome – it comes from when young urchins would be employed to ensure that someone just hanged was actually dead and not faking – by pulling on their leg). We passed the site of the original Globe and paused for thought by the wonderfully gruesome Clink and its ‘mascot’ hanging outside (the inside of the Clink is definitely worth a visit). There was a healthy dose of death as well as the fun stuff – we had started off being shown an old map of London which clearly marked all the decapitated heads put up on London Bridge as warnings.

Fittingly, for such a tour, we ended up near a lovely pub into which we all bundled for a nightcap. I know I speak for the whole group when I say Charlotte was a welcoming and entertaining hostess and we all had a brilliant time exploring the seedy side of London yore.