Valentine's Day 2014 etc...

I’m not one for traditional Valentine’s Days. We always purposefully celebrate it the day before or after, to avoid all the other couples, and the restrictive set menus. Last year my boyfriend and I went to Romantic Misadventures, a storytelling night, after lunch at Opera Tavern. And a couple of years before that we went and looked at a War Memorial.

So, for my tips on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t expect anything mushy.

Of course, there is plenty going on that weekend, and I’m sure there are loads of romantic things happening. But here are a few alternatives.

Torture Garden are doing their annual big Valentine’s shindig as well as a more intimate Loveboat party on the 13^th. Tickets will, as ever, be selling like hot cakes – you can go for the kink, for the performances or just to marvel at everyone’s outfits but remember to have an impressive one of your own or you won’t get in! See their website for details: http://www.torturegarden.com/

I shall be attending Anything but Grey with my Meetup, an event provoked by the film release of 50 Shades, which aims to shine a more realistic light on the world of BDSM. There are burlesque acts, electro-swing and vintage remix music and a room of pain (for your pleasure) plus a few other little surprises thrown in. You get a glass of bubbly on arrival and it is being held in the ever so gorgeous Bloomsbury Ballroom. Dress to impress (think Eyes Wide Shut, or feel free to go a little wilder) or no entry! More information here.

If you like your electro-swing but without the kink then head to White Mink instead. Their parties are legendary and rightly so. They’re one of my favourite nights in London and I rarely miss an event. Live bands and top notch DJs keep the party going from the moment you step in until 3 am when it sadly finishes. You’ll be breathless with joy by the end of it. 20s style dress is encouraged but not compulsory.

On Valentine’s Day itself last year I went to the Artful Badger’s Art of Hearts event at The Vaults which was fantastic. There was a chance to send love letters, an ‘aerobics class’ and a secret room I didn’t even discover of some bondage demonstrations! Plus some wicked music. This year they're holding the Love & Lighting ball over two nights and I'm sure it will involve much the same if not more. More information here. 

And I quite like the sound of Bounce’s Anti-Valentine’s event. Down with dating! Go and have fun with a bunch of ping pong balls. Expect UV ping pong, all forms of affection banned, non-smoochy music and other games. As well as a lot of single people (it is co-hosted by Tinder).

For something completely not very V-Day related, So Fresh So Clean is on at Queen of Hoxton. They play all your favourite 90s and old school RnB, which is perfect to get your bump and grind on to – so if you don’t have a date for V-day already you could end up with one here!

And apart from THAT weekend, my calendar is completely booked up until the end of March because there are some very awesome things happening in the next two months. The Vaults festival is happening in Waterloo with so many shows I had decision paralysis about what to see – there’s Red Bastard, the Artful Badger stuff, Baby Lame... but my Meetup is going to Pitch Black the night of sensory surprises - music, poetry and performances, in the dark!

On Feb 20^th we’re running away with the fairground to the Bussey Building which is holding, for one night only ‘Once Upon A Fairground’. Expect fairground games with a mix of circus entertainment – like stiltwalkers and fire breathers, set across all three floors of the Bussey Building. Tickets and more information here.

The following weekend I’m dipping my toe into erotica once again with Madame La Freak’s Smut Cinema. I went to one of its early outings ages ago, and now they’re not only showing their visual women-friendly smut but they’re holding a clubnight afterwards! The soundtrack to their films was spot on when I went so I expect the same for the afterparty. More information and tickets here.

What else? Well, we’ve got the very weird sounding Psychoward on Feb 27^th at the Resistance Gallery – expect lots of latex and medical-themed performances – tickets are on the door only. Imaginarium are back in March with a Punk theme, which has got to be one of the best they’ve done. I always have a wicked time at their nights – it’s a great, friendly crowd. A similarly great crowd (and there is  a lot of overlap) can be found at Planet Angel at the end of March. They provide a clubnight with a difference – lego, games like giant jenga and connect four, and space hoppers! Tickets and information here.

And that doesn’t even cover everything I’m doing with the Meetup over the next two months. Did I mention Disco Dodgeball…?

La Freak Smut Cinema, 13th June

I think I only found out about this night when one of the girls who runs it started following me on twitter! I love twitter - such a good way to discover things I might not otherwise have known about. I took a little look at their website and thought this was just the sort of thing Stephen and I would enjoy. I couldn't make their first one and it took a while for them to get another night together but finally I had the opportunity to see what they were all about  in the flesh.

Afterwards, I asked Stephen if he had enjoyed a night of erotica clearly aimed at the discerning lady. He claimed surprise that it was women-centric considering the amount of female flesh on show. But that didn't surprise me in the slightest. I would wager a lot of sexually charged women would admit to finding the female form sensual and attractive. The clue to the female friendly focus was what you didn't see - in the hour or so I was there there was only one bj clip, and the penetration was limited to short bursts, leaving you wanting more rather than finding it dull and repetitive. There were quite a lot of shots that 'teased'; a shirt being pulled halfway up, a hand going down the front of someone's knickers before cutting away to something else. After all, half the fun of sex is in the anticipation and the foreplay. 

I very much enjoyed what I saw on screen and it was clear that a lot of care and attention had gone into not only choosing which clips to show, but editing them together to create a captivating, stimulating narrative. Even the images used for the intervals were on point and quite erotic although some of the images were less titillating and more titter-inducing such as some stills of women all dressed up in early 1900s glamour. But that worked quite well also - it can't all be building up of sexual tension, a little light relief is needed.

I thought the music which accompanied the montages was excellent - quite stirring in itself (one song I remember in particular was The Horrors' Still Life). It was music that would make it on to my 'Mood music' playlist even without being combined with such sexy scenes. 

I also liked the night's opening salvo - "The difference between erotica and porn is lighting." A little knowing wink to the fact that even though you could enjoy the images for their artfulness, really it was a night to get your rocks off. But in a classy, unashamed way - as La Freak themselves say 'no more mediocre porn in an untidy bedsit, created by men with the imagination of mice'. I would describe it as a woman-oriented, high-class version of those sex cinemas Travis Bickle takes his date to in Taxi Driver. If he'd taken Cybill Shepherd here, she might not have run off so quickly. 

The people running it are super friendly and they even had popcorn and love 'O' bags for singles and/or couples on sale for your immediate and delayed enjoyment respectively. 

There were a couple of gripes I had about the night however and it turned out Stephen had the same ones. One was the location. It was a little far from where I live and so some of the lusty side effects of watching all that 'smut' had worn off by the time I got home! No, not really - while that is kinda true, that's not something I consider worth moaning about.

What I really mean by the location was the comfort element. The theatre part of the Lord Stanley was tiny, the seats were hard and very close together. Watching that kind of material, you really want to be able to lean back and relax, get comfortable and snuggle in to whoever you've come with to really luxuriate in your voyeurism. Somewhere that felt more like the bed you were no doubt thinking about getting in when you got home - somewhere with sofas rather than hard backs jabbing in your knees.

But, I know this was only La Freak's second coming, so they're only small and probably can't get their ideal venues just yet. Hopefully that will come in time. Having never even been there I don't know if my visualisations are accurate or not but I can imagine this night working well at the Aubin cinema in Shoreditch for example which apparently is quite a glam cinema.

The other thing I thought could be improved lie in the format of the night. And perhaps it was because I knew we couldn't stay the whole night and so I wanted to see as many clips as possible in my short time there, but I felt there didn't need to be so many intervals. They lasted too long compared to the video montages, sometimes being as long or longer than 'the good bit' I'm sure! (Not including the 20 minute half-time interval.) I understood their purpose - the idea is to drop in and out of the viewing, and the intervals provided points where you could do that - to feel free to have a chat or go and get another drink etc, without disturbing anyone. But they still felt too frequent, and the images were somewhat repetitive (although pleasing to the eye admittedly). I guess if we were in a larger venue people wandering in and out wouldn't be so disruptive to the main movie and the intervals wouldn't be as necessary.

But on the whole, I would go again, and I would recommend it to anyone who likes a bit of public arousal. I would love to see them teaming up with other risque or sexy nights as well. I can imagine them having a screen at a Last Tuesday Society event for example. And they certainly wouldn't have gone amiss in the dark room at the Dark Circus party I was at on Saturday.

So, keep up the good work girls, hope it keeps getting better!