Disco Dodgeball, 14th March

You all know the motto – Dodge Duck Dip Dive and Disco! Wait. What?

That’s right – disco!! Cos playing just plain ol’ dodgeball wouldn’t be any fun - Disco Dodgeball add dance into the mix! Not to mention animal fancy dress. It’s a tricky combination but in terms of fun that can be had it works a charm.

And so, I found myself in an edgy East London warehouse, a setting that would not feel out of place for illicit bare knuckle boxing, instead playing and watching games of dodgeball. I half expected dodgy bets to be taken in the corner but of course it was all just good silly fun.

I have to confess, we sucked. I had thought I had pulled together three teams of dodging might but serval no-shows left us severely depleted for our third team. Not a problem we though, we’ll just sub in people from our other teams. It was actually working quite well (well, apart from the fact we were losing every game) when all three of our teams were called to play at once, illuminating our lack of players. Somehow we still managed not to be disqualified as two teams were playing each other (4 on each side) so they just let us get away with it.

Ah yes, I mentioned we were losing. I’m totally putting this down to the fact that our teams were fluid entities, meaning we weren’t ever able to come up with a strategy, play to our strengths, or, more importantly, figure out our entrance battle. Where does this figure in dodgeball? Ordinareily it doesn’t. Balls are placed in a line and the two teams dash forward to try and get them, then dash back again to begin play. With disco dodgeball there is a dance off at the beginning of the match and whoever wins gets all the balls! This severely disadvantaged us. Without getting our team together to practice we lost almost every dance off and it was quite hard to avoid being hit when you had no balls. Still, I have to say this didn’t mar my enjoyment one bit. Playing was fun, doing the dance offs was tremendously silly, and watching everyone else’s dance off skills was quite eye-opening. These guys had brought their A game and had some serious moves!

My team (the bears) were the ultimate losers. It was announced that us and one other team had won the wooden spoon prize for being the worst. Or so we thought. I merrily went about changing out of my sneakers into my platforms for the afterparty, and to watch the remaining rounds. Some of my team decided to head home. We let go, grabbed some amazing (and massive) food from White Men Can’t Jerk and enjoyed the bouts which lead to the final. Then all of a sudden, my team was being called to play! We were supposed to do a final head to head with that other team for the wooden spoon prize! But we couldn’t get the team together and had to forfeit. We couldn’t even win the losingest game. Which, I think, makes us the ultimate losers. I’m kinda proud of that.

As if Disco Dodgeball with dance-offs wasn’t silly enough, they had hosts with the mosts in full-on disco gear (Niles Dodgers being the most glam) and our commentators were in full character form. It was all meant to be light-hearted fun and to keep it that way the motto was ‘Don’t be a Dick’. If you were found to be a dick (taking it too seriously, repeatedly not going out when you’re hit) you were forced to wear an inflatable penis. Seems fair. They could also penalize you by rolling out someone in a massive inflatable costume who would basically shield the other team from getting hit and thus put you at a disadvantage.

As I said, there was an afterparty, after – a mini Regression Sessions with ball pit, bouncy castle, space hoppers, absolutely wicked music just like last time, and a round of pass the parcel! I didn’t seem to notice or mind the age of the attendees this time, just had a serious amount of fun. I was kind of gutted that it started to clear out a couple of hours after the dodgeball ended and we decided to head to the bar over the way (Number 90). I had wanted to try this out in my last jaunt to the Wick but it had been shutting whne we got there. I feel I didn’t miss much. For an area that should be effortlessly cool, we all felt Number 90 was trying a bit too hard and wasn’t sure what it was meant to be. Wine bar? Pub? Gig space? It was none of these convincingly.

Here's a good montage of the tournament:

Disco Dodgeball vs Regressions Sessions : Battle of The Beasts

Valentine's Day 2014 etc...

I’m not one for traditional Valentine’s Days. We always purposefully celebrate it the day before or after, to avoid all the other couples, and the restrictive set menus. Last year my boyfriend and I went to Romantic Misadventures, a storytelling night, after lunch at Opera Tavern. And a couple of years before that we went and looked at a War Memorial.

So, for my tips on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t expect anything mushy.

Of course, there is plenty going on that weekend, and I’m sure there are loads of romantic things happening. But here are a few alternatives.

Torture Garden are doing their annual big Valentine’s shindig as well as a more intimate Loveboat party on the 13^th. Tickets will, as ever, be selling like hot cakes – you can go for the kink, for the performances or just to marvel at everyone’s outfits but remember to have an impressive one of your own or you won’t get in! See their website for details: http://www.torturegarden.com/

I shall be attending Anything but Grey with my Meetup, an event provoked by the film release of 50 Shades, which aims to shine a more realistic light on the world of BDSM. There are burlesque acts, electro-swing and vintage remix music and a room of pain (for your pleasure) plus a few other little surprises thrown in. You get a glass of bubbly on arrival and it is being held in the ever so gorgeous Bloomsbury Ballroom. Dress to impress (think Eyes Wide Shut, or feel free to go a little wilder) or no entry! More information here.

If you like your electro-swing but without the kink then head to White Mink instead. Their parties are legendary and rightly so. They’re one of my favourite nights in London and I rarely miss an event. Live bands and top notch DJs keep the party going from the moment you step in until 3 am when it sadly finishes. You’ll be breathless with joy by the end of it. 20s style dress is encouraged but not compulsory.

On Valentine’s Day itself last year I went to the Artful Badger’s Art of Hearts event at The Vaults which was fantastic. There was a chance to send love letters, an ‘aerobics class’ and a secret room I didn’t even discover of some bondage demonstrations! Plus some wicked music. This year they're holding the Love & Lighting ball over two nights and I'm sure it will involve much the same if not more. More information here. 

And I quite like the sound of Bounce’s Anti-Valentine’s event. Down with dating! Go and have fun with a bunch of ping pong balls. Expect UV ping pong, all forms of affection banned, non-smoochy music and other games. As well as a lot of single people (it is co-hosted by Tinder).

For something completely not very V-Day related, So Fresh So Clean is on at Queen of Hoxton. They play all your favourite 90s and old school RnB, which is perfect to get your bump and grind on to – so if you don’t have a date for V-day already you could end up with one here!

And apart from THAT weekend, my calendar is completely booked up until the end of March because there are some very awesome things happening in the next two months. The Vaults festival is happening in Waterloo with so many shows I had decision paralysis about what to see – there’s Red Bastard, the Artful Badger stuff, Baby Lame... but my Meetup is going to Pitch Black the night of sensory surprises - music, poetry and performances, in the dark!

On Feb 20^th we’re running away with the fairground to the Bussey Building which is holding, for one night only ‘Once Upon A Fairground’. Expect fairground games with a mix of circus entertainment – like stiltwalkers and fire breathers, set across all three floors of the Bussey Building. Tickets and more information here.

The following weekend I’m dipping my toe into erotica once again with Madame La Freak’s Smut Cinema. I went to one of its early outings ages ago, and now they’re not only showing their visual women-friendly smut but they’re holding a clubnight afterwards! The soundtrack to their films was spot on when I went so I expect the same for the afterparty. More information and tickets here.

What else? Well, we’ve got the very weird sounding Psychoward on Feb 27^th at the Resistance Gallery – expect lots of latex and medical-themed performances – tickets are on the door only. Imaginarium are back in March with a Punk theme, which has got to be one of the best they’ve done. I always have a wicked time at their nights – it’s a great, friendly crowd. A similarly great crowd (and there is  a lot of overlap) can be found at Planet Angel at the end of March. They provide a clubnight with a difference – lego, games like giant jenga and connect four, and space hoppers! Tickets and information here.

And that doesn’t even cover everything I’m doing with the Meetup over the next two months. Did I mention Disco Dodgeball…?