Toppers, 12th February

Toppers was not my scene. As well you know, I like a fetish night as much as the next guy, but I’m more into a party with a little kink on the side, than making it the sole focus of my night out. The clue is really in the name - it's all about 'topping' someone (though of course you need plenty of bottoms around to do that).

It’s actually a bit of a mix of a social and playing, but there's no dancing element. It’s a super-friendly crowd, but very much skewed toward the older, submissive male (often with cross-dressing tendencies) and femme doms than any other persuasion. Which isn’t really what I’m into. I still managed to quite happily pass four hours in there as I had a couple of friends with me and am always happy to chat to different people. Pretty much anything goes as well and there were a few eye-opening scenes taking place. I’m happy to say I was the subject of some voyeurism myself, while I played rope bunny to my friend’s rigging and was suspended for the first time. If my poor circulation hadn’t let me down I could have merrily hung around for quite some time. It feels odd to not be responsible for the way your body is being held at all. In a good way!

If you’re into your BDSM with a male sub/female dom slant and don’t mind an older crowd then you’ll love it there. Or you just want to chat to some friendly kinksters without really getting into anything this would also be a good place to start. Although I must admit, there were a few guys who, while they didn't exactly creep on me, you could see their eyes light up to have someone new to possibly play with and the eagerness was a little offputting!

Psychoward, 27th February

Last month saw the launch of a new night for the fetish scene called Psychoward. It was loosely based around the theme of medical ward, which meant the hosts and hostesses were all dressed up in latex medical costumes, face masks, etc and there were lots of nurses in PVC, although any sort of fetish wear was more than welcome. They had a lot of fun things set up and tongue was firmly in cheek as we had someone roaming around taking your blood pressure (for real!) and handing out pills and injections (not so real – the pills were smints). He also had love potions and pervert potions aplenty (these came with warnings not to overdose) which goes to show the fetish world is as much about being silly as it is about anything else. But it was most definitely a fetish event and had not the costumerie given it away, the other entertainment surely would. I think due to its size, there was a lot of kink in a concentrated area which gave it (for me anyway) a much more hardcore feel than Torture Garden, for instance, where you can easily lose sight of anything too shocking. 

There were a couple of acts on stage riffing on the medical theme – one person dressed as an asylum patient before doing her act, and the other performance involved filling various pouches around the performer’s body with blood from syringes. It was interesting for sure. In addition to this there was something that I would term performance art happening on the edges – and somewhat interactive. A slender girl stood poised in her pen until you switched on a light and then one of two boxes in front of her would light up and she would investigate what was inside. What was inside not only delighted her but threw her into a sexual frenzy – on the one side, several pairs of beautiful shoes, on the other, gorgeous corsets. She would preen and rub herself all over them in sensual ecstasy until time ran out and she had to put them away. She had the grace and fluidity of a trained dancer (I imagine she was) and she was a joy to watch. Next to her, was something that was the exact opposite to watch but transfixing nonetheless. They had someone who was offering his body modification services for the night. One young guy sat, amazingly passively, nary a change in expression on his face, as he got a swirled pattern scarified in his leg. Then a girl had some needles inserted into her back almost like tiny wings, and posed, before having them removed again. The finale of the night was for this guy to perform his body art on himself (with a little help). I can think of no other way to describe it than say he turned his penis inside out and created a ‘vulva’ out of it using piercings to hold the ‘lips’ in place – piercings he did himself. Then he took them out and nailed his scrotum to a wooden board with the help of an assistant. He stood and wiggled that a bit before having his assistant take them out. The last one got caught and you could tell it must have smarted a bit.

After that all that was left was to mingle and get on the dance floor. They were playing a mix of rock and darker 80s music, which wasn’t exactly my thing but also made a nice change from the typical drum n bass. I danced a little but called it a night earlier than usual as I actually had plans for the next day that weren’t just lying in bed waiting to go out again at night. Apparently the dance floor did pick up a bit after I left. There were also some arty visuals around the place for your optical delight and disturbance. 

Tickets were £15 on the door, which I thought was good value for the entertainment provided. Drinks were eyewateringly cheap – you got 3 drinks for 10 quid I think, and you didn’t even have to order them all at the same time. You could get a token for the others if you weren’t ready for them yet. We were really worried we wouldn’t get in so turned up about half an hour after the doors opened (at 8). Everyone else was far cooler and turned up at around 10 but the drinks were so cheap no one minded being in there while it was filling up! A seriously different night out. 

Anything but Grey, Serendipity party, 13th February

Most people would want to be known as Anything but Grey, and Serendipity’s first party certainly allowed people to discover their ‘colourful’ side if they hadn’t yet already. A night that aimed to show the ‘real’ side of BDSM (take control don't 'lose control') which has been portrayed in the dreaded 50 Shades franchise, they put on a successful party allowing people to dip their toe in kink without going too crazy with it. It was an occasion – dressing up was mandatory – but not full-on fetish like TG. Tasteful elegance was enough – ball gowns and tuxes but any extra touches were welcomed. It was held in the frankly gorgeous setting of Bloomsbury Ballroom and we were all treated to a complimentary (or two) glass of prosecco while we waited for those who had bought the VIP dinner ticket to finish up. Then we went through to the main area, where seating was provided along a long catwalk. Nibbles (very salty popcorn and veggie crisps) were handed out though these were replaced by proper canapes later in the evening and even a massive cheese board! Now that is the way to do a party – throw in some cheese!

Anyway, the night began with an alternative fashion show, which was truly a feast for the eyes, with many different designers and lines on show. After this, we had something of a cabaret/burlesque performance – some aerial work, a magician, and all presided over by Lolo Brow, the ‘drag king’ who is an excellent host. The calibre was high among most of the performers (I missed the magician who apparently wasn't so good) and I was impressed. Unfortunately, despite this, I felt that it went on for a little longer than it needed to and perhaps the burlesque could have been interspersed more with the fashion show. I was also there to party and by the time the show was over, more than half the night had disappeared. There was no time for the music to get cranked and us to get crunk. Especially if you had plans to indulge in the other side of the event – for it wasn't really until the show was over that the specially-built 'dungeon' was unveiled and ready for full use. This was an area at the back of the main room, although paraphernalia and kit spread out along the sides as well. Bondage, ropework, flogging – it was all happening, though there was no pressure to participate, and it was set up for those curious (or voyeuristic) to get a good view.

Drinks were a pretty decent price, and the crowd was a mix of seasoned fet veterans and newbies just there for the burlesque. There had been a question from some of my friends as to whether such a mix would work, but I think it did. Plenty of space for a bit of a fashion/burlesque/fetish crossover night in the London alternative nightlife scene  - just give us more dancing!

Antichrist, 29th June

Chances are that you may have heard of Torture Garden, one of the longest-running, biggest alternative/fetish nights in England. They're so 'overground' these days that there are three full pages dedicated to the night in Time Out's 1000 Things to do in London. But you may not have heard of Antichrist. And you should, if you're into that kind of thing.

One question you tend to get asked when you chat to people in Antichrist is 'Are you here for the Goth or the Kink?' The other question you get asked is 'Have you been to Torture Garden?' Torture Garden seemed to polarise opinion among the Antichrist clubbers. I am theorising here, but it seemed if you were mostly at Antichrist for 'the Goth' then you had a lower opinion of TG because you don't like their music, but if you were at Antichrist for 'the Kink' then you enthused about TG because it has all the kink but better tunes. And this may be why Torture Garden is so well known compared to Antichrist. TG apparently plays a mix of music from electro to pop mash ups (I will confirm once I've been) but Antichrist is a lot more 'Rock'.  However, Antichrist is a little more relaxed when it comes to dress code apparently. They don't want you wearing ordinary daywear but as long as you've made a bit of an effort (black jeans, black gig t-shirt) you don't have to worry about being turned away. TG is supposedly more strict. Naturally, I made an effort because I need no encouraging, and with this kind of crowd, you knew most people would. I would say, that, once inside, you would be more likely to feel self-conscious if you didn't have your butt cheeks showing or a dildo somewhere on your costume. Unfortunately, no photography is allowed in there so I can’t show you what weird and wonderful things people were wearing.

So. Antichrist happens six times a year at Club Collosseum. We went for their 8th birthday party and we were promised 7 main areas, plus a few little ones - one was the Theatre of Sin where there were live acts and then 'metal' until 6 am, one was an Industrial dance room and one was a goth/alt dance area. Then there was a chillout bar area, a smoking area, a couples' dark room and the devil's playroom or dungeon.

We got there at around 11 so that we could see most of the acts in the Theatre of Sin, which started at 10. To be frank, this was not worth making the effort for. We missed the first two acts but were in time to see a live band, supposedly a mix of electronica and drums and guitars. It didn't hold our attention and we used the opportunity to wander around and get familiar with the club as we'd never been to the Collosseum or Antichrist before. After a very long hour of the same band, we came back to catch the magician. Someone I was with had seen him before and said that he could be very 'meh' until all of a sudden he did something and you were like 'whoa'. We watched and waited but 'meh' was the order of the day for us. Then we came back for the strippers. A lot of people had been eagerly anticipating this part  - it was obvious because when we came in as it was very crowded - too many people for me to see past given my short stature (even though I was in some killer heels). So I can't really pass judgment on them but Stephen wasn't all that impressed. At this point we more or less gave up on the Theatre, even though there was only one act to go and went to the chillout area where there was free cake in honour of the birthday, and to have a few more drinks.

You might be wondering what my answer was when people asked me whether I was there for the Goth or the Kink. Well, for me, it was a little of both. I had imagined that we would end up spending most of our night in the Pretty Fucking Industrial dance room as I thought it would be playing quite dark, clangy metallic-sounding dance music (like Closer by NIN). But that room turned out to be a total disappointment as the music was more like (to my ears) hard house. This may just show I know nothing about music genres. Having said that, I am not completely averse to a bit of rock/metal. In fact, my late teens, when I was beginning to get into music, were spent at a few different ‘rock’ nights (none too aggressive, being as I lived in rural Suffolk at the time) and my favourite club at Uni was a place called Spiders; where we would all dress up in black, get drunk on vodka for 50p or Pan Galactic Gargleblasters for £2.00 and jump around to Marilyn Manson and Crazytown. But for some reason I didn’t expect this kind of thing at Antichrist – I thought my taste would be too tame, that when the Theatre of Sin turned into a rock and metal dance floor, I’d probably like one song, but wouldn’t want to spend much time there. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was amazing! It was like a playlist of all my favourite rock songs, as if I was transported instantly back to being 20 and in Spiders. It was in this room that they played Closer, plus System of a Down, plus Slipknot’s Wait and Bleed, plus Beautiful People, plus Korn. The list goes on. There wasn’t a mosh pit, so no getting trampled on, but plenty of room to let your hair down (literally) and jump around and head bang away, which I did to my heart’s delight. Fantastic.

So it turned out I was definitely there for the Goth, whether that had been my original intention or not. But I was also curious about the other side, and felt that, if for nothing than journalistic integrity, I had to see everything Antichrist had to offer. Downstairs in the Industrial room was a man, rolled up in carpet daubed with a plea to the Ladies to stand on him. I duly obliged. And upstairs in the Theatre was a dom lady, using her submissive man as a bench from which to watch the acts. But I knew this couldn't be as kinky as it got. It was time to visit the Devil's playroom. Inside there is an area within where people who want to get involved can do so, and then an area where you can sit and watch. We sat and watched people getting trussed up in all sorts of positions, and flogged and whipped, in various states of undress. And then we took a trip into the couples' darkroom, which, by the way, is a total misnomer. Instead of shadowy figures moving in the dark by which you might be able to hazard a guess as to what they were getting up to, it was pretty bright in there and no guesswork was required at all.  So it seems it would be well suited to the voyeur or to exhibitionists craving to be watched. However, it is a couple's room, which means the people in there are (in general) busy doing stuff with each other, attentive to each other, not watching what everyone else is doing. Any kick out of voyeurism is therefore more imagined than real. And it was pretty busy in there with people getting up to all sorts. Mostly there are chairs and sofas to relax or get frisky on, but there is also one medical chair complete with fastenable stirrups. And yes, it did get used during the night. Did I participate in this room I hear you ask? Well, I couldn't possibly say! (Am I keeping quiet to give you the impression I did when I didn't, or because I did and I don't want to admit it? YOU DECIDE!)

I will disclose that towards the end of the evening/early morning we went back to the dungeon to see if it was even still going. And it was, but the numbers were far reduced. Some guy who seemed to be getting electric shocks passed over him with something that looked like a miniature plastic garden fork, caught my eye and I went in for a closer look. The guy doing the 'electrocuting' beckoned me in and told me to hold a silver bar. Then he ushered Stephen over and told us to touch tongues. The tiniest of currents passed through us, tickling our tongues and making us giggle a little in shock. It was an intriguing and not at all unpleasant sensation. This machine was called a violet wand and came with all sorts of attachments. I wasn’t brave enough to have a go with the ‘garden fork’ but I did let him run one of the attachments over me and it felt pretty good! Not good enough for me to spend £900 on acquiring such an instrument, but it was pretty good having a go with one for free!

I had a whale of a time at Antichrist. I’ve always known that alternative/goths are some of the nicest and friendliest people you can ever meet, no matter how much rubber they have on and Antichrist just furthered my beliefs. Everyone was there to have a good time, in whatever form that meant to them. People were drinking, but no one was crazy-ass drunk. There was a really good atmosphere, and by the end of the night, everything felt so natural, nothing could surprise me. Coming back to work today has felt a bit like entering an alternative reality. I miss Antichrist!