Valentine's Day 2014 etc...

I’m not one for traditional Valentine’s Days. We always purposefully celebrate it the day before or after, to avoid all the other couples, and the restrictive set menus. Last year my boyfriend and I went to Romantic Misadventures, a storytelling night, after lunch at Opera Tavern. And a couple of years before that we went and looked at a War Memorial.

So, for my tips on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t expect anything mushy.

Of course, there is plenty going on that weekend, and I’m sure there are loads of romantic things happening. But here are a few alternatives.

Torture Garden are doing their annual big Valentine’s shindig as well as a more intimate Loveboat party on the 13^th. Tickets will, as ever, be selling like hot cakes – you can go for the kink, for the performances or just to marvel at everyone’s outfits but remember to have an impressive one of your own or you won’t get in! See their website for details: http://www.torturegarden.com/

I shall be attending Anything but Grey with my Meetup, an event provoked by the film release of 50 Shades, which aims to shine a more realistic light on the world of BDSM. There are burlesque acts, electro-swing and vintage remix music and a room of pain (for your pleasure) plus a few other little surprises thrown in. You get a glass of bubbly on arrival and it is being held in the ever so gorgeous Bloomsbury Ballroom. Dress to impress (think Eyes Wide Shut, or feel free to go a little wilder) or no entry! More information here.

If you like your electro-swing but without the kink then head to White Mink instead. Their parties are legendary and rightly so. They’re one of my favourite nights in London and I rarely miss an event. Live bands and top notch DJs keep the party going from the moment you step in until 3 am when it sadly finishes. You’ll be breathless with joy by the end of it. 20s style dress is encouraged but not compulsory.

On Valentine’s Day itself last year I went to the Artful Badger’s Art of Hearts event at The Vaults which was fantastic. There was a chance to send love letters, an ‘aerobics class’ and a secret room I didn’t even discover of some bondage demonstrations! Plus some wicked music. This year they're holding the Love & Lighting ball over two nights and I'm sure it will involve much the same if not more. More information here. 

And I quite like the sound of Bounce’s Anti-Valentine’s event. Down with dating! Go and have fun with a bunch of ping pong balls. Expect UV ping pong, all forms of affection banned, non-smoochy music and other games. As well as a lot of single people (it is co-hosted by Tinder).

For something completely not very V-Day related, So Fresh So Clean is on at Queen of Hoxton. They play all your favourite 90s and old school RnB, which is perfect to get your bump and grind on to – so if you don’t have a date for V-day already you could end up with one here!

And apart from THAT weekend, my calendar is completely booked up until the end of March because there are some very awesome things happening in the next two months. The Vaults festival is happening in Waterloo with so many shows I had decision paralysis about what to see – there’s Red Bastard, the Artful Badger stuff, Baby Lame... but my Meetup is going to Pitch Black the night of sensory surprises - music, poetry and performances, in the dark!

On Feb 20^th we’re running away with the fairground to the Bussey Building which is holding, for one night only ‘Once Upon A Fairground’. Expect fairground games with a mix of circus entertainment – like stiltwalkers and fire breathers, set across all three floors of the Bussey Building. Tickets and more information here.

The following weekend I’m dipping my toe into erotica once again with Madame La Freak’s Smut Cinema. I went to one of its early outings ages ago, and now they’re not only showing their visual women-friendly smut but they’re holding a clubnight afterwards! The soundtrack to their films was spot on when I went so I expect the same for the afterparty. More information and tickets here.

What else? Well, we’ve got the very weird sounding Psychoward on Feb 27^th at the Resistance Gallery – expect lots of latex and medical-themed performances – tickets are on the door only. Imaginarium are back in March with a Punk theme, which has got to be one of the best they’ve done. I always have a wicked time at their nights – it’s a great, friendly crowd. A similarly great crowd (and there is  a lot of overlap) can be found at Planet Angel at the end of March. They provide a clubnight with a difference – lego, games like giant jenga and connect four, and space hoppers! Tickets and information here.

And that doesn’t even cover everything I’m doing with the Meetup over the next two months. Did I mention Disco Dodgeball…?

Halloween 2014 alternative events

Being an organizer of a Meetup, especially one that does lots of different events, means I have to be good at planning. I know which events we’re going to go to at least a month in advance. It also means I need to keep an eye out on the events coming up, and decide which ones I want us to go to. But then I only blog about the ones I’ve been to, which I think means a lot of things I know about are going to waste, and that it would be good to tell other people about them too. So I’m going to try (emphasis on try) to do more previews on here, we'll see how long I can keep it up!

So, first up – Halloween. Halloween in London gets bigger and bigger each year, with several Halloween stalwarts putting on more than one night to ensure their fans can go along. For example, Torture Garden this year has a whopping four events – the two ‘normal’ TGs on the 25th and 1^st and then they have their Belle Epoque collab Dark Circus on the 25th and they’re doing a country retreat (how very Eyes Wide Shut) with Killing Kittens on the 1st.

http://www.torturegarden.com/

Suzette Fielding’s A Curious Invitation (basically Last Tuesday Society's heir now that Viktor Wynd is concentrating on his museum) has two events on – Satan’s Rout on the Friday and Day of the Dead on the Saturday. These balls are always masked events, with music, DJS and a swing class if you’re early enough, plus a few extras – that might be food to be eaten off naked people, or a menagerie of creepy crawlies and reptiles. It’s a lot tamer than Torture Garden but does provide a frisson of kink if you’re kink-curious but not ready to go the whole ‘latex and dungeon’ hog.
http://www.acuriousinvitation.com/

Carousel, which is one of the nights I’m taking my Meetup to, is doing a double header on the Friday and Saturday at Crucifix Lane, on the theme of the Rocky Horror Show. They bill themselves (a bit like Rumpus) as an indoor festival – lots of stages, lots of acts, music ranges from electro swing to house and they have performers and immersive theatre going on throughout the night both on stage and off.
http://carouselparty.co.uk/

Backyard Cinema are also back for a run of several nights starting on the Friday. This is not just a movie, this is a ‘theatrical experience’ with zombie training, live actors, cocktails, burritos and an End of the World party after the movie. This is the other thing I’m taking my Meetup group to.
http://www.backyardcinema.co.uk/

There’s also zombiefied shenanigans going down at The Vaults, starting on the Thursday with the Halloween Raveyard, in honour of the necropolis line that ran through here, taking dead bodies out to Surrey. Well, those dead bodies are back! And you’re one of them so dress accordingly. There’s cabaret, a zombie disco dance hall, and Dank Parish giving you your own funeral. Kansas Smitty (who are superb) are also making an appearance.
http://www.the-vaults.org/#!raveyard/c1vvr

For even more raving, FOUND are putting on two nights at the Troxy (an amazing venue) featuring the likes of Maya Jane Coles and George Fitzgerald.
http://www.foundseries.co.uk/

White Mischief is another night that knows how to do Halloween right. They have recently been doing smaller, more intimate events at Bush Hall with dinner and cabaret but for Halloween they're throwing a big bash back at their old home of Scala in King's Cross. Dressing up isn't essential but people DO make an effort. Steampunk is the name of the game rather than goth and latex here. They have some fantastic cabaret and circus acts, plus the Roustabouts DJing.
http://www.whitemischief.info/

If you fancy something quieter for your Halloween (but likely no less creepy) then head over to Are you Sitting Comfortably’s Halloween storytelling night. Expect chilling tales and some free chip butties.
http://www.artsadmin.co.uk/events/3582

And finally, if you want to keep your Halloween poppy and fun, then Videoke are back! The crew are on hand to recreate your favourite music videos, and of course encourage you to dance along, dress up as your favourite performer and generally have a great time. 
http://www.videokelondon.com/

Update
So, it turns out the Last Tuesday Society are still putting on events every now and again, and they have a Halloween one on November 1st. These days they're all about the D.I.S.C.O and part of the proceeds go to the CRISIS charity. Dressing up encouraged but not compulsory because 'you can always come naked and cover yourself in glitter'!
The Last Tuesday Society

This one sounds interesting. The Dreamery are bringing a 'terrifying horror maze' complete with art installations, live performances and interactive games to the Old Hackney archives. And there's a Day of the Dead theme. This is part of the London Horror Festival and runs from October 28th - November 1st so you can bring a little Halloween into your week.
https://www.picatic.com/lasmaravillas

Lucha Britannia hold pretty regular events but they're also doing a Halloween special on All Hallow's Eve. As they say, it's not a wrestling show, it's a 'Cabaret Sinestre' although there is, in fact, lots of tongue-in-cheek wrestling. Be prepared to jeer the baddies and cheer your favourites, and because it's Halloween, dress up as well! Tickets for this always sell out so if you fancy some real life, up close wrestling with lots of silly characters, bag yours now.
https://www.facebook.com/events/323571977815486/

Even more updates!

If I didn't already have plans then I reckon this is what I'd be doing. Bourne and Hollingsworth (also partialy responsible for the Dark Circus part) are hosting A Grimm Halloween Party on November 1st. You can expect their usual tasty cocktails and of course the whole event is inspired by the fairytales. There are live performances, a gingerbread house, glass coffin and even a 'Rumpelstiltskin lair' hosted by A Curious Invitation, who also feature on this list. And all taking place in the beautiful Grand Hall in St Pancras.
http://www.bourneandhollingsworth.com/grimmhalloweenparty/

There's also a free - yes, free! - event on the 31st hosted by Cubanisto beer. It is the House of Masks final party, It's at a secret location, marked by a neon skull. It features immersive theatrical experiences and interactive puzzles. Sounds intriguing! London is seriously spoiled this year for events. 
http://cubanisto.com/gb/events

I'll add more gigs here if I hear of them! Or tell me, where are you going for Halloween?

Torture Garden, 6th September

I finally did it - delved into the world of Torture Garden. And I don't mean to sound blase but it was actually kinda tame! Tame that is, not lame - it was still a lot of fun. Yes, there's a couples room, and yes there's a 'play' room, and yes, there was even a medical room. But apart from that, it just felt like one big clubnight. It was weird for its lack of weirdness. In the Kit Kat Cabaret room they were playing 50s and 60s rock n roll, which turned into pop at the end of the night, in the main room they were playing house music like you would find anywhere else. The only strange thing about it was that, in these rooms, quite a lot of people had very little clothes on. But I'm starting to get used to an element of nudity on my nights out, so even that doesn't make me blink.

What they say about the door policy being strict is somewhat true. Despite spending weeks thinking about what to wear, and going to the efforts of hiring some suitable clothing, my boyfriend was still upbraided on his choice of corduroy trousers. We weren't a fan of them either, but it was the best we could do given our resources. However, once we got in there were several people I thought who had made far less of an effort than Stephen. There were a pair of boys who were dressed in shorts and had their shirts open, the only nod to the 'scene' being a pair of goggles and a whip they had. Unspectacular. My girl friend and I felt great in the outfits we had pieced together - they might not have been latex but how much effort does slinging on a one-piece latex dress take? None really, other than spending the money on latex in the first place. No - we'd really put some thought into our attire and I thought it showed. I felt confident walking through the crowds.

Torture Garden was held in Electrowerkz, the same place I went to for my first Rumpus. Even though I had been there before, I found it impossible to get my bearings, which sort of added to the fun. I'm still certain that we missed one or two rooms altogether because we kept getting lost. I wanted to make sure we saw some of the live acts so after wandering around a little we followed some kindly folk who showed us the way to the main stage (which we never again seemed to chance upon). I'm not sure who we were watching, or what they were doing. It seemed some kind of ritual was being acted out on stage, it was full of [probably] symbolic gestures and there was a lot of writhing. I had no idea what was really going on and after many minutes nothing became clearer. I thought maybe childbirth was being alluded to, and expected the woman on whom the rite was being performed to expel something from beneath her suspiciously long skirt (suspicious as she was naked from the waist up). But nothing was forthcoming and we got bored after a while and left. We found ourselves in the cabaret room again where we listened to some warbling, and then saw a pretty good performance. A girl came out as a 'human pony' with braided hair, bridle and shoes that did a good job of conveying hooves. She then performed a fire eating act which was sexy and exciting, and soundtracked by - yeah you guessed it - Ginuwine's Pony.

And that is the full sum of all the acts we managed to see!

The first three hours we were in there went by in a flash. I feel like I can't even recount what we were doing for most of it. Dancing I suppose! We spent a little time in the 'play' room (which I didn't think was quite as good as the one at Antichrist - it seemed a little more chaotic, as if people weren't sure where to go or what to do) but both me and my friend hopped on a horse to get a proper spanking session in - by hand and by crop! 

We of course also had to experience the couples room but I'm not going to be coy here - Stephen and I did absolutely nothing in there beyond being voyeuristic. For some reason this room was hotter than the sun and I couldn't bear to be in there for very long at all, let alone find it arousing. My friend and her boyfriend managed to brave the sauna atmosphere to get up to some mischief though. And though we passed an area with medical-looking equipment, we never saw anyone actually use it!

The club wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be and by 4 am (it finished at 6 am) the place was beginning to feel empty and lack a bit of atmosphere. I wondered if this was because most regulars were saving themselves for the Halloween event where they apparently pull out all the stops. I still had a really good night and would happily go back. The music was right up my street in terms of ranging across house, electro-swing and rock n roll so with the addition of a bit of nudity and 'play' I can easily see this becoming a bit of a habit!

Harmony and Liberation, 24th August

In about a week I will be going to Torture Garden for the first time. While I'm excited, I'm also a little nervous. What on earth can I wear? 

Well to be honest, I pretty much have my outfit sorted, but my friend had some last bits and pieces to get, which lead us to Soho's seedier side, and to me crossing a couple of things off my List.

Harmony

We'd tried to go to Breathless in King's Cross but it was shut while it relocated to Euston. So we headed into town to Harmony, the one near Peter Street. It's actually massive in there, complete with a downstairs bit and we spent ages getting sidetracked by all the weird and ermm... not so wonderful things in there. Upstairs there's underwear and some clothing bits and pieces where we quickly saw they didn't have the sort of pasties we were looking for. But we headed downstairs to have a look around anyway. The first thing you seem to come to is the men's 'self-help' section selling everything from cheaper 'pocket pussies' to full on, several-hundred-pounds' worth sex dolls. Or, rather, the sexual parts of the anatamoy - you could buy an ass and pussy, or you could buy a tits and pussy. And they were heavy! I guess all the better to hump against.

They had a huge selection of toys for women and couples, we marveled at some of the ingenious devices in terms of what they did and how they were designed. Some sleek glass-blown dildos caught my eye. They also had quite a few sexy outfits and minor S & M things like bondage tape, handcuffs and a few cat o'nine tails, spanking paddles.

There was honestly a lot more in there than I had expected and of rather good quality. I defintely know where to head should I be in the market for anything like that in the future.

Liberation

We had been unsuccessful at Harmony but we had a few other places to try such as Kiss Kiss (where the owner told us the government is STILL trying to rid Soho of its sex shops, something probably no one but they wants to happen) and Simply Pleasures where I saw the biggest inflatable penis I have ever seen. It was like an elephant's leg! (ok, maybe not that big, but still - is it supposed to go INSIDE someone??). Simply pleasures was also a little more expensive and playing abominable music so we didn't stay long. But nowhere had the pasties we needed. Our last stop was Liberation.

And of course, as logic permits, the last place we looked had the perfect thing. We rang the bell and the girl let us in. I can see why they have the doorbell, this isn't the sort of place they want any old pervert walking into. This is a boutique fetish/latex store, selling high quality items and some Victorian antique oddities. It's not seedy, or mainstream; it's a really interesting store to look around. We found the pasties immediately but still went downstairs to browse through their selection of latex outfits. Boys and girls are catered for so if you've got a spare couple of hundred quid, and you're in the market for a fetish outfit, I would definitely suggest heading here. They even had a latex version of a boys set of tails, polo shirts, a full suit. It was fantastic. Upstairs they had beautiful collars, cuffs and masks and two latex ties I was tempted to get.

At the back of the basement were some more curios - a sex swing, and an 18th century douche amongst others. Apparently the owner has a bit of a thing for Victoriana and collects things but sometimes puts the odd thing in the shop for sale - there were items in ivory and scrimshaw in the display cases as well.

The sales girls were fantastically friendly and chatty, giving us advice about how to put on the pasties and whether they'd go with the outfit my friend was putting together. If TG is a success and I want to invest some money in more outfits, I'll definitely head here. 

Obviously I didn't think taking pictures was the done thing to do, so go and explore the places for yourselves! Doesn't matter whether you're in a couple or not, they both had something for everyone.

Antichrist, 29th June

Chances are that you may have heard of Torture Garden, one of the longest-running, biggest alternative/fetish nights in England. They're so 'overground' these days that there are three full pages dedicated to the night in Time Out's 1000 Things to do in London. But you may not have heard of Antichrist. And you should, if you're into that kind of thing.

One question you tend to get asked when you chat to people in Antichrist is 'Are you here for the Goth or the Kink?' The other question you get asked is 'Have you been to Torture Garden?' Torture Garden seemed to polarise opinion among the Antichrist clubbers. I am theorising here, but it seemed if you were mostly at Antichrist for 'the Goth' then you had a lower opinion of TG because you don't like their music, but if you were at Antichrist for 'the Kink' then you enthused about TG because it has all the kink but better tunes. And this may be why Torture Garden is so well known compared to Antichrist. TG apparently plays a mix of music from electro to pop mash ups (I will confirm once I've been) but Antichrist is a lot more 'Rock'.  However, Antichrist is a little more relaxed when it comes to dress code apparently. They don't want you wearing ordinary daywear but as long as you've made a bit of an effort (black jeans, black gig t-shirt) you don't have to worry about being turned away. TG is supposedly more strict. Naturally, I made an effort because I need no encouraging, and with this kind of crowd, you knew most people would. I would say, that, once inside, you would be more likely to feel self-conscious if you didn't have your butt cheeks showing or a dildo somewhere on your costume. Unfortunately, no photography is allowed in there so I can’t show you what weird and wonderful things people were wearing.

So. Antichrist happens six times a year at Club Collosseum. We went for their 8th birthday party and we were promised 7 main areas, plus a few little ones - one was the Theatre of Sin where there were live acts and then 'metal' until 6 am, one was an Industrial dance room and one was a goth/alt dance area. Then there was a chillout bar area, a smoking area, a couples' dark room and the devil's playroom or dungeon.

We got there at around 11 so that we could see most of the acts in the Theatre of Sin, which started at 10. To be frank, this was not worth making the effort for. We missed the first two acts but were in time to see a live band, supposedly a mix of electronica and drums and guitars. It didn't hold our attention and we used the opportunity to wander around and get familiar with the club as we'd never been to the Collosseum or Antichrist before. After a very long hour of the same band, we came back to catch the magician. Someone I was with had seen him before and said that he could be very 'meh' until all of a sudden he did something and you were like 'whoa'. We watched and waited but 'meh' was the order of the day for us. Then we came back for the strippers. A lot of people had been eagerly anticipating this part  - it was obvious because when we came in as it was very crowded - too many people for me to see past given my short stature (even though I was in some killer heels). So I can't really pass judgment on them but Stephen wasn't all that impressed. At this point we more or less gave up on the Theatre, even though there was only one act to go and went to the chillout area where there was free cake in honour of the birthday, and to have a few more drinks.

You might be wondering what my answer was when people asked me whether I was there for the Goth or the Kink. Well, for me, it was a little of both. I had imagined that we would end up spending most of our night in the Pretty Fucking Industrial dance room as I thought it would be playing quite dark, clangy metallic-sounding dance music (like Closer by NIN). But that room turned out to be a total disappointment as the music was more like (to my ears) hard house. This may just show I know nothing about music genres. Having said that, I am not completely averse to a bit of rock/metal. In fact, my late teens, when I was beginning to get into music, were spent at a few different ‘rock’ nights (none too aggressive, being as I lived in rural Suffolk at the time) and my favourite club at Uni was a place called Spiders; where we would all dress up in black, get drunk on vodka for 50p or Pan Galactic Gargleblasters for £2.00 and jump around to Marilyn Manson and Crazytown. But for some reason I didn’t expect this kind of thing at Antichrist – I thought my taste would be too tame, that when the Theatre of Sin turned into a rock and metal dance floor, I’d probably like one song, but wouldn’t want to spend much time there. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was amazing! It was like a playlist of all my favourite rock songs, as if I was transported instantly back to being 20 and in Spiders. It was in this room that they played Closer, plus System of a Down, plus Slipknot’s Wait and Bleed, plus Beautiful People, plus Korn. The list goes on. There wasn’t a mosh pit, so no getting trampled on, but plenty of room to let your hair down (literally) and jump around and head bang away, which I did to my heart’s delight. Fantastic.

So it turned out I was definitely there for the Goth, whether that had been my original intention or not. But I was also curious about the other side, and felt that, if for nothing than journalistic integrity, I had to see everything Antichrist had to offer. Downstairs in the Industrial room was a man, rolled up in carpet daubed with a plea to the Ladies to stand on him. I duly obliged. And upstairs in the Theatre was a dom lady, using her submissive man as a bench from which to watch the acts. But I knew this couldn't be as kinky as it got. It was time to visit the Devil's playroom. Inside there is an area within where people who want to get involved can do so, and then an area where you can sit and watch. We sat and watched people getting trussed up in all sorts of positions, and flogged and whipped, in various states of undress. And then we took a trip into the couples' darkroom, which, by the way, is a total misnomer. Instead of shadowy figures moving in the dark by which you might be able to hazard a guess as to what they were getting up to, it was pretty bright in there and no guesswork was required at all.  So it seems it would be well suited to the voyeur or to exhibitionists craving to be watched. However, it is a couple's room, which means the people in there are (in general) busy doing stuff with each other, attentive to each other, not watching what everyone else is doing. Any kick out of voyeurism is therefore more imagined than real. And it was pretty busy in there with people getting up to all sorts. Mostly there are chairs and sofas to relax or get frisky on, but there is also one medical chair complete with fastenable stirrups. And yes, it did get used during the night. Did I participate in this room I hear you ask? Well, I couldn't possibly say! (Am I keeping quiet to give you the impression I did when I didn't, or because I did and I don't want to admit it? YOU DECIDE!)

I will disclose that towards the end of the evening/early morning we went back to the dungeon to see if it was even still going. And it was, but the numbers were far reduced. Some guy who seemed to be getting electric shocks passed over him with something that looked like a miniature plastic garden fork, caught my eye and I went in for a closer look. The guy doing the 'electrocuting' beckoned me in and told me to hold a silver bar. Then he ushered Stephen over and told us to touch tongues. The tiniest of currents passed through us, tickling our tongues and making us giggle a little in shock. It was an intriguing and not at all unpleasant sensation. This machine was called a violet wand and came with all sorts of attachments. I wasn’t brave enough to have a go with the ‘garden fork’ but I did let him run one of the attachments over me and it felt pretty good! Not good enough for me to spend £900 on acquiring such an instrument, but it was pretty good having a go with one for free!

I had a whale of a time at Antichrist. I’ve always known that alternative/goths are some of the nicest and friendliest people you can ever meet, no matter how much rubber they have on and Antichrist just furthered my beliefs. Everyone was there to have a good time, in whatever form that meant to them. People were drinking, but no one was crazy-ass drunk. There was a really good atmosphere, and by the end of the night, everything felt so natural, nothing could surprise me. Coming back to work today has felt a bit like entering an alternative reality. I miss Antichrist!