Colab's Fifth Column, 30th October

I had really low expectations of CoLab’s Fifth Column before I went due to various things I’d read, and even these weren’t met. I feel like the whole set up had a lot of potential but the way it was carried out fell way short of what it could have been.

We had to gather at a meeting point and then ‘rendez-vous’ with a contact and give them the secret phrase. That part was promising, even though we were given the wrong contact and password to begin with. We were then explained a fairly complicated backstory which already put us on the backfoot, exchanging glances, worried about what we would have to remember. It turned out we had to remember very little as for the whole of the event we were basically shepherded around and had very little involvement in the storyline or what unfolded. This confused our group as we thought there was at least some element of interactivity in the first half and that it might be up to us to push the plotline forward. We kept hesitating to regroup and consider what had occurred, much to the exasperation of our ‘agent’ who basically just wanted to make sure we got to the designated end venue in time.

Some of it was fun – we were all given walkie talkies and an agent number and while we pursued the group we were going to infiltrate, we had fun saying ‘Roger’ and ‘Copy that’ and ‘we’ve been made!’ to each other. But none of it meant anything. There was no real infiltration, or even interaction, with the group we were following – they were just another set of paying participants, put on a slightly different story arc to us. So we followed them around for about an hour, hanging back. At one point someone with a suitcase came along and we took it, but we didn’t have to figure out how to open it or what it all meant – we were just lead to the ‘end game’. At one point our agent gave us a secret word and we all had to run, but we didn’t run to anywhere in particular and no one was following us. It was just running for running’s sake. Nothing happened. I was nonplussed.

The end game was a secret lair where the hackers we were infiltrating and us agents were meeting to bring about the end of this shady organization, the ETF. We had been told the ETF had been controlling most of the world’s funds, using it to start wars and assure England’s continued prosperity. For the first time we had to do something. And time was running out! Only it wasn’t and all sense of urgency was ruined when their WiFi wouldn’t work and so the emails we were ‘hacking’ into wouldn’t load and we couldn’t get the secret password. I could sense a lot of people clocking out at this point. Finally we somehow managed to connect and we put the password and various ‘keys’ into the mainframe and set the scene for the finale. Which – unsurprisingly – was a bit of an anticlimax. There was a scene where a double agent was revealed. This should have been quite touching as it involved betrayal within a married couple, but due to rather poor acting and a lack of built-up affinity with the characters, it was just somewhat awkward. Then our lair was under threat – a SWAT team was on the way – we all had to get out, get out now! And that was the end. I expected at least some sound effects of gunfire or explosions to get the adrenaline going, but there was nothing.

I think they could have included much more interaction during the first half which would have made us buy into the second half. They gave us way too much information to start – this could have been fed to us throughout the evening, by using more characters to interact with – and even just giving us a couple of clues to solve would have greatly improved this evening. The problems with technology in the lair really did jolt the continuity and I just didn’t buy into the urgency or consequences they were trying to foster. We were supposed to be bringing down civilization as we knew it but it didn’t feel like it. If these guys and Agent November could get together, they might have something pretty special, but as it was, I wish I hadn’t wasted my money. 

Shunt, 23rd September

I wasn’t quick enough to go to Shunt when they had their permanent home under the arches of London Bridge before they were removed to make way for Crossrail (I presume). But they didn’t stop creating and I have been to several of either Shunt’s or one of Shunt’s contributor's shows since. No two are the same, and I have read interviews which say they start off with an loose idea but then they let the space they acquire influence them until the finished product can be quite different to what they’d first roughly envisaged.

So, after Electric Hotel, a play taking place in different rooms of a hotel with a soundtrack listened to via personal headphones, but no words, and The Architects, a slightly sinister voyage aboard a 'ship', they recently popped up at the newly formed The Jetty, a part of North Greenwich’s attempt to appear cool to the people who have bought or who may buy a property in the new ‘Greenwich Pier’ development.

The Jetty itself was pretty cool – sitting right on the water they had a bar, a shack serving whitebait, fish and chips, meat sandwiches and some amazing triple-cooked chips. All very reasonably priced too. You could easily come along just to hang out here, especially with the hammocks and live music they had lined up every night.

But it was also doubling up as a pre- and post-theatre lobby. Once you had your group number allocated, you awaited to be summoned, and then you all trooped into a shipping container and entered the world of The Boy who Climbed out of His Face. 

What was it all about? Well, that’s hard to pin down and everyone will have their own ideas once venturing through. For my group, feelings of abduction or smuggling and shipwreck on strange islands came to mind. There was one scene with someone who’d apparently gone mad, alone on his island that felt very reminiscent of ‘Lost’ (the TV show). They had no intention of making you feel comfortable and if darkness or close spaces, or close spaces in darkness gives you the willies, you would have hated this. It perhaps relied a little too much on darkness giving people the heebie jeebies, but in all I found it a fun, effective piece of theatre(?). Highlights included going down a hallway that shrank as you went up it, a la Willy Wonka, and sitting in a room, feeling like you were being transported, to enter into a mini-jungle, complete with wooden bridge to clamber across.

As with a lot of immersive performance, you get out what you put in. You could just be sitting in a shipping container in the dark. Or, you could be swept up with the noise and allow yourself to imagine that slowly, one by one, your comrades were disappearing as you sat there – what was happening in this dark? What sight would await you when – or if – the lights ever came back on? In this way is atmosphere made.

It wasn't a full production as such, being only 45 minutes, but it was also only a tenner. If they have more of this up their sleeves, I'd be satisfied.

Secret Cinema 21, 20th April

When I was invited to Secret Cinema with fellow Nuffnang bloggers The Prosecco Diaries and Hectophilia, I was told I could write about anything I wanted, as long as I didn't reveal the location, film, or even what time the film starts. Should be a cinch!

I'd actually been to Secret Cinema once before so I kind of knew what to expect, but they still managed to surprise me. Prices have steadily gone up through the years, but you can see where it goes. They're getting close to rivalling Punch Drunk in terms of creating a whole new world, with amazing attention to detail. And there was a lot more interaction this time, making you feel part of the wider story, with characters you could follow, as well as a few set pieces to give you a clue to the movie you were living within (once again it was a movie I'd seen but I still didn't guess it!).

But first, to gain entry to this illicit world, we had a certain person with whom to rendez-vous. In this era when you have to have your wits about you, I thought I'd best go under an assumed name. I was Maria Smith (try and trace that!) and I was about to enter a world where you didn't know quite who to trust but one thing was clear - money talked and law and order wasn't much more than a notion.

We wandered all over the joint, stopping for a drink or two before mingling with what I would say were some of the more unsavoury characters in town. They tried to get us to to help out with one of their schemes, and being of a curious nature, I went along with it, but before long we were being whisked into the kind of company I'm more accustomed to. Or, well, I thought I was speaking with a fine, upstanding politican. Sure, he was sweet-talking us because he wanted our vote but all politicians do that. Then things got kinda nasty - he started roughing up his secretary and I began to have my suspicions he was no better than a crook! As luck would have it, it was election night and I was able to immediately take a stand against him by voting for the other guy. At least, I hope I did... the polling station was right by the bank and just as I was enquiring as to what sort of loan would be available to me (I'm starting to expand my extremely well regarded beauty shop chain), we were rudely interrupted by some hoodlums! They took everything so who knows what they did to the votes. I was left with barely enough to ensure entry (if you know what I mean - like I say, money talks) for me and my gals, to the swankiest bar in town. 

There may have been a little gambling going on the side, I'm sure I don't know. What I can tell you is that this place was jumping and the cats in the band were swinging. 

Time in this shady world flew by, before we knew it the movie was about to start. And all I will say is... keep your eyes open even then.

Back in the cold light of day, Ieaving my alter-ego behind, I have to say I was hugely impressed with this 'edition' of Secret Cinema and it has stoked in me a desire to go to more, whereas with the first one I wasn't convinced it was worth the now almost-60 quid asking price. 

So leave yourself behind and become a part of this fictional world. You'll have an amazing experience. But Tell No One.

Juno and Grimm Tales, 3rd April

Juno

Juno is such a great little bar, and one that for some reason gets overlooked, at least, compared to the others on the Shoreditch High Street strip.

I know the whole area has a laid back vibe compared with the glossy bars in the West End - Shoreditch is known for stripped back brick walls and purposefully shabby decor. But Juno really is relaxed, without even trying. It's just a nice place to hang out. But while you're there, don't just lounge around - make sure to grab a bite to eat, as they do some really good food too!

I had nachos - some of the best nachos I've ever had. They do not skimp - not on tortilla chips nor toppings. Plenty of cheese, sour cream, and most importantly for me - jalapenos. They plump their salsa on top of beans and corn and it makes a very filling meal, or ideal sharing plate if you want something else as well. My friends had some plantain chips with paprika - not just chunks of fried plantain like I had expected but thinly sliced, crunchy crisps, like potato chips. Sound odd? Well, it works.

One of them also had the beetroot salad with kale, goats' cheese and pumpkin seeds with a honey balsamic dressing. It looked fantastic for a salad - healthy but filling and I was assured it was as tasty as it looked.

They have a happy hour serving basic cocktails on a two for £10 basis until 7 pm, or you can get jugs of cocktails, or two wines for the price of one.

So we took advantage of that and then moved on to Philip Pullman's Grimm Tales...

Grimm Tales

I shall be keeping an eye on the people behind these grim and gruesome performances of the Tales of the Brothers Grimm, as reimagined by Philip Pullman, as the whole thing was brilliant.

It's a family show, so it never gets too disturbing, but they still manage to stay true to the dark warnings at the heart of the stories. They had a distinctive way of bringing these to life - recognising that these were passed down by word of mouth, and that they're the sort of stories read aloud, they kept all the narrative in, folding it into the speech of the characters.

It was billed as immersive but actually it isn't - you move around to watch each of the vignettes, but your movements are completely controlled by the performers, and then you are static to watch each story unfold. 

The actors were wonderful. There were two cast ensembles, each playing several different characters. They managed to strike the right balance between tongue in cheek humour appreciated by the adults, and hamming it up, appreciated by the kids. As children do when they play, they used everyday items as important props - Rapunzel's hair was a long length of sturdy rope, the bird in the Juniper Tree story was a cleverly transformed umbrella. And Hans My Hedgehogs costume was a creation out of broom brushes. It's as if they give you the outlines to set the scenes but it's up to your imagination to colour them in.  

Afterwards we were left to roam. As we travelled between sets we could get glimpses of other scenery but couldn't yet explore. Now was our chance to marvel at what they had done. Ok, it wasn't on the scale of The Drowned Man, but it had been given every bit as much attention to create a fantasy world full of hints at other stories (they had created the bedroom of the Seven Dwarfs for example). It was, fittingly, magical, but also slightly sinister - conjuring up feelings of wandering through the woods, not knowing what might befall you. 

I also appreciated that while they did a couple of the well-known stories - Red Riding Hood and Rapunzel, they also chose some lesser known ones, so you didn't feel like you'd seen it all before. Having said that, my favourite was probably the Red Riding Hood story. The wolf was a delicious villain.

Tickets are still available and they're doing shows until the 26th so if you have kids, or even if not (I went with a bunch of adults) I think this is a piece of theatre worth seeing.