Psychoward, 27th February

Last month saw the launch of a new night for the fetish scene called Psychoward. It was loosely based around the theme of medical ward, which meant the hosts and hostesses were all dressed up in latex medical costumes, face masks, etc and there were lots of nurses in PVC, although any sort of fetish wear was more than welcome. They had a lot of fun things set up and tongue was firmly in cheek as we had someone roaming around taking your blood pressure (for real!) and handing out pills and injections (not so real – the pills were smints). He also had love potions and pervert potions aplenty (these came with warnings not to overdose) which goes to show the fetish world is as much about being silly as it is about anything else. But it was most definitely a fetish event and had not the costumerie given it away, the other entertainment surely would. I think due to its size, there was a lot of kink in a concentrated area which gave it (for me anyway) a much more hardcore feel than Torture Garden, for instance, where you can easily lose sight of anything too shocking. 

There were a couple of acts on stage riffing on the medical theme – one person dressed as an asylum patient before doing her act, and the other performance involved filling various pouches around the performer’s body with blood from syringes. It was interesting for sure. In addition to this there was something that I would term performance art happening on the edges – and somewhat interactive. A slender girl stood poised in her pen until you switched on a light and then one of two boxes in front of her would light up and she would investigate what was inside. What was inside not only delighted her but threw her into a sexual frenzy – on the one side, several pairs of beautiful shoes, on the other, gorgeous corsets. She would preen and rub herself all over them in sensual ecstasy until time ran out and she had to put them away. She had the grace and fluidity of a trained dancer (I imagine she was) and she was a joy to watch. Next to her, was something that was the exact opposite to watch but transfixing nonetheless. They had someone who was offering his body modification services for the night. One young guy sat, amazingly passively, nary a change in expression on his face, as he got a swirled pattern scarified in his leg. Then a girl had some needles inserted into her back almost like tiny wings, and posed, before having them removed again. The finale of the night was for this guy to perform his body art on himself (with a little help). I can think of no other way to describe it than say he turned his penis inside out and created a ‘vulva’ out of it using piercings to hold the ‘lips’ in place – piercings he did himself. Then he took them out and nailed his scrotum to a wooden board with the help of an assistant. He stood and wiggled that a bit before having his assistant take them out. The last one got caught and you could tell it must have smarted a bit.

After that all that was left was to mingle and get on the dance floor. They were playing a mix of rock and darker 80s music, which wasn’t exactly my thing but also made a nice change from the typical drum n bass. I danced a little but called it a night earlier than usual as I actually had plans for the next day that weren’t just lying in bed waiting to go out again at night. Apparently the dance floor did pick up a bit after I left. There were also some arty visuals around the place for your optical delight and disturbance. 

Tickets were £15 on the door, which I thought was good value for the entertainment provided. Drinks were eyewateringly cheap – you got 3 drinks for 10 quid I think, and you didn’t even have to order them all at the same time. You could get a token for the others if you weren’t ready for them yet. We were really worried we wouldn’t get in so turned up about half an hour after the doors opened (at 8). Everyone else was far cooler and turned up at around 10 but the drinks were so cheap no one minded being in there while it was filling up! A seriously different night out. 

Valentine's Day 2014 etc...

I’m not one for traditional Valentine’s Days. We always purposefully celebrate it the day before or after, to avoid all the other couples, and the restrictive set menus. Last year my boyfriend and I went to Romantic Misadventures, a storytelling night, after lunch at Opera Tavern. And a couple of years before that we went and looked at a War Memorial.

So, for my tips on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t expect anything mushy.

Of course, there is plenty going on that weekend, and I’m sure there are loads of romantic things happening. But here are a few alternatives.

Torture Garden are doing their annual big Valentine’s shindig as well as a more intimate Loveboat party on the 13^th. Tickets will, as ever, be selling like hot cakes – you can go for the kink, for the performances or just to marvel at everyone’s outfits but remember to have an impressive one of your own or you won’t get in! See their website for details: http://www.torturegarden.com/

I shall be attending Anything but Grey with my Meetup, an event provoked by the film release of 50 Shades, which aims to shine a more realistic light on the world of BDSM. There are burlesque acts, electro-swing and vintage remix music and a room of pain (for your pleasure) plus a few other little surprises thrown in. You get a glass of bubbly on arrival and it is being held in the ever so gorgeous Bloomsbury Ballroom. Dress to impress (think Eyes Wide Shut, or feel free to go a little wilder) or no entry! More information here.

If you like your electro-swing but without the kink then head to White Mink instead. Their parties are legendary and rightly so. They’re one of my favourite nights in London and I rarely miss an event. Live bands and top notch DJs keep the party going from the moment you step in until 3 am when it sadly finishes. You’ll be breathless with joy by the end of it. 20s style dress is encouraged but not compulsory.

On Valentine’s Day itself last year I went to the Artful Badger’s Art of Hearts event at The Vaults which was fantastic. There was a chance to send love letters, an ‘aerobics class’ and a secret room I didn’t even discover of some bondage demonstrations! Plus some wicked music. This year they're holding the Love & Lighting ball over two nights and I'm sure it will involve much the same if not more. More information here. 

And I quite like the sound of Bounce’s Anti-Valentine’s event. Down with dating! Go and have fun with a bunch of ping pong balls. Expect UV ping pong, all forms of affection banned, non-smoochy music and other games. As well as a lot of single people (it is co-hosted by Tinder).

For something completely not very V-Day related, So Fresh So Clean is on at Queen of Hoxton. They play all your favourite 90s and old school RnB, which is perfect to get your bump and grind on to – so if you don’t have a date for V-day already you could end up with one here!

And apart from THAT weekend, my calendar is completely booked up until the end of March because there are some very awesome things happening in the next two months. The Vaults festival is happening in Waterloo with so many shows I had decision paralysis about what to see – there’s Red Bastard, the Artful Badger stuff, Baby Lame... but my Meetup is going to Pitch Black the night of sensory surprises - music, poetry and performances, in the dark!

On Feb 20^th we’re running away with the fairground to the Bussey Building which is holding, for one night only ‘Once Upon A Fairground’. Expect fairground games with a mix of circus entertainment – like stiltwalkers and fire breathers, set across all three floors of the Bussey Building. Tickets and more information here.

The following weekend I’m dipping my toe into erotica once again with Madame La Freak’s Smut Cinema. I went to one of its early outings ages ago, and now they’re not only showing their visual women-friendly smut but they’re holding a clubnight afterwards! The soundtrack to their films was spot on when I went so I expect the same for the afterparty. More information and tickets here.

What else? Well, we’ve got the very weird sounding Psychoward on Feb 27^th at the Resistance Gallery – expect lots of latex and medical-themed performances – tickets are on the door only. Imaginarium are back in March with a Punk theme, which has got to be one of the best they’ve done. I always have a wicked time at their nights – it’s a great, friendly crowd. A similarly great crowd (and there is  a lot of overlap) can be found at Planet Angel at the end of March. They provide a clubnight with a difference – lego, games like giant jenga and connect four, and space hoppers! Tickets and information here.

And that doesn’t even cover everything I’m doing with the Meetup over the next two months. Did I mention Disco Dodgeball…?