Cellar Door, 10th November

It took me about five years to actually get to Cellar Door and it was a total anticlimax. The space itself is pretty cool – it’s a repurposed public toilet in the middle of Aldwych. You’d never know it was there unless you knew it was there. Downstairs they make the most of the space with mirrored walls – so much so I kept walking through thinking there was more to it. There wasn’t. Luckily there were two seats along the side so we quickly grabbed those and waited for the acts to start.

I will give Cellar Door the benefit of the doubt – maybe we just chose a dud night. It was basically a guy on keyboard with a walkabout cabaret singer doing numbers such as The House of the Rising Sun and In These Shoes and moving around the audience giving them her most personal of attention. I found it all a bit cringey and forced though perhaps I just wasn’t drunk enough.

Speaking of drinks, we ordered ‘martinis’ – mine the Cool as a Cucumber and Carolyn’s the London Calling. For martinis they were oddly frothy and not particularly potent. Mine tasted nice enough – but was too mild. Carolyn’s was similar – and more to her preference when it comes to strength.

We had our cocktail and then made a sharp exit before the singing started again! 

Whirl-y-gig, 30th July

Whirl-y-gig, being very much of the Planet Angel style of raving, was therefore, of course, an incredibly fun and friendly night. Borne out of a dancing self-expression event for the Association of Humanistic Pscyhology, they outgrew them and now host an almost monthly clubnight in London and their own festival Whirl-y-fayre. It has a bit of a festival feel to it – like Wonderland – lots of decoration and colours everywhere. They try to keep the music eclectic but dancey. This didn’t work for me quite so well as it meant they chopped and changed styles, so you didn’t know if you would like what was playing one song to the next. And the sound levels in the Camden Centre, I felt, were woefully low. You could easily have a conversation at the back of the dance floor, which is not what I want from my raves.

However, I had a brilliant time. When the music I liked was played, it was great, and I have to say it did veer towards my style of thing as the night wore on. Everyone seemed so up for it and so happy to mingle and chat to people they didn’t know. I lost track of the number of people I befriended. They have interesting bits and pieces around - such as a board to stick messages on (someone wrote something very kind about me!) which makes the night feel a little more interactive and encourages getting to know people. I came away from the night with a huge smile on my face.

They finish each night with a parachute – you know, like when you were at school. This does feel a bit random as you all just sit underneath it and natter to yourselves, but the visuals are really quite cool!

One other small niggle would be that it ends at 4 am which is, of course, far too early. But there are always afterparties…

KaraUke, 21st July

KaraUke was a little shambolic but I think that’s part of its charm. No formal screens with the words lighting up as you go for KaraUke. Not even printed sheets of paper to sing along with a la Hip Hop Karaoke or Reggaeoke. No, you can hold an iPad and sing along to that, while the words are put up on a screen behind you so the audience can sing along, but the entire song is displayed at once which makes the words rather difficult to see.

I was also surprised that the ukulele band was in fact a proper band – not only were there several uke players but there was a bass guitar and a drum set. I was a little disappointed at first as it wasn’t quite as quaint as I was expecting but it was pretty cool to have a full band supporting you and made for a rounder sound.

They hold karaoke on the Tamesis Dock which has to be one of the quirkier pubs/venues around – a permanently moored boat decorated in a lively manner. In fact, I was chatting to a friend of the band and she said none of them live anywhere near it but they love it too much to switch to a different venue. The karaoke is held in the belly of the boat which made for a slightly stifling evening but it didn’t seem to mar people’s enjoyment.

There are no prizes but every performer gets a badge.There’s clearly a few regulars as jokes were made about the number of badges ‘Pete’ had accumulated and whether he could make it through the entire song menu in a year. That would be quite a feat but not as daunting as you might think as it’s limited to about 50 songs. There are a few classics and also songs they clearly just like (Tenacious D has two songs on there which you don’t find in most karaoke songbooks). The opening singer for tonight delved right in with one of these actually – Fuck her gently. In fact, thinking about it, there was quite a lot of swearing in the evening. That one... I did Creep... and another girl did Fuck you by Ceelo. It’s that kind of crowd.

They do two sets which have 9 singers each and while they’re not short on volunteers this seems about right and a few people were even able to sing twice. Quality was… variable… but  your own backing singer is there to help anyone out and carry the tune if it ever falls off a cliff. Everyone is encouraged to sing along and many people were dancing around too.

And all this for FREE!! Of course, they do very much appreciate donations and dedicate a bit of time sending round the ‘begging bowl’ as they do have rehearsal space and expenses and tings to deal with. Any monies they receive are well deserved.

Disco Yoga, 9th June

Having not done yoga for so long I can’t remember the last time, I was a little nervous about signing up to yoga of the disco variety.  Yes – disco yoga. Bit of an oxymoron? Well, it worked surprisingly well.

In fact, they had started doing it last year in a place that only held 10 people but it was so popular they had to expand. Despite Disco being quite an upbeat genre, this class was quite relaxed and I would say acts as the perfect introduction or reintroduction to yoga.

You’re encouraged to go glam and wear your sequins and glitter – if you don’t have any on before you get there, a glitter station is there to kit you out. And you get to pick a cocktail to sip on at the end of the session. I chose the Yogi Pear which was served in a carved-out pineapple and was absolutely delicious – the perfect pick-me-up after all that strenuous stretching.

So, after you’re all glittery and have taken your places on your mats, the class begins. All the while disco has been pumping out and this continues throughout as you’re taken through various poses. Most people these days seem to have a passing acquaintance with yoga and will be familiar with some of the terms even if not how to do the poses they refer to – there was a lot of downward dogging I’m sure you’ll be happy to know.

None of the poses were held for an agonizing amount of time and at about three points in the sessions we paused for a ‘dance party’ where we got to shake it all out and dance to the disco. At this point the music was more energetic but it undulated throughout the event – there are more chilled out disco songs than you might realise.

I found the whole thing really enjoyable and quite relaxing and a good boost to motivating me to get back into my exercise. If you like the idea of yoga but feel that it maybe takes itself too seriously then try this one out for sure.

SS Atlantica, 28th May

I have been wanting to go to SS Atlantica for yonks – probably since I set up my Meetup group four years ago, but as it’s a once-a-year deal, getting to it proved tricky. I always seemed to have plans by the time they released the date. Not so this year.

So on a balmy evening we dressed in our finest evening wear and boarded the SS Atlantica for a jaunt along the Thames or two. We sipped champagne and enjoyed the views, and then spent some time in the belly of the boat drinking in the live hot jazz and taking part in illicit gambling. Which was all very fun. But this entertainment was short lived and soon it was general drinking and dancing and I must admit, we got a little bored by it. At midnight the boat docked to let people off who wished to disembark early (the night finished at 2 am) and most of my crowd agreed we should have got off at that point rather than go another lap onboard. While being on the Thames is always nice, I’m not sure it was worth the slightly elevated price compared to other B & H events, and I don’t think I’ll bother with it next year.

Club Rub, 21st May

So many fetish events, each offering something slightly different, but mostly to the same fun and friendly naughty crowd.

And so I went to one of the longest-running fetish events last month, Club Rub – also touted as one of the friendliest. It’s certainly one of the smaller ones, held upstairs at The Garage, making it quite intimate and meaning you can chat to people quite easily. (I rather enjoyed being at a kinky party while there were people in the very same building beneath likely having no clue as to what was going on above them.) 

They were celebrating their 19th birthday and it really did feel like a birthday party for the hostess, the lovely Miss Kim – a doyenne on the fetish scene – and her friends. For the special occasion there was an Animal theme, and the end stage, normally reserved as the play area, was decked out with a paddling pool and dog bowls containing doggie treats for the pet play people that had been hired for the occasion.

We also had the wonderful world pole dancing champion doing several pole dancing shows throughout the evening which were truly outstanding. How she can manipulate her body around that pole, sometimes hanging vertically beside it, was jaw-dropping.

So there was perhaps less play going on at Club Rub (and certainly no sex) but it was a lot of FUN. Slightly unusually for events of this ilk, the music was fantastic – slightly mainstream dance tracks that you’d definitely recognize if you like that kind of music and that would probably sound familiar even if not, and people actually did take to the floor to dance. 

Well done Miss Kim - keep it up!

Date Lab, 10th May

Date Lab aims to take the psychology behind why people end up with matches at traditional speed dating and mess with it to level the playing field. So there are some rules to abide, and things are done a little differently to shake things up.

Women cannot wear red and are encouraged to wear black and something that shows off their figure. Men should dress smartly but not ridiculously slow. The amount of time you spend talking to the member of the opposite sex is short. Very short. Unnervingly short. It is only three minutes and by the time you’ve sat down and said hello you feel you’ve barely said anything before you have to move on and start again. It certainly keeps you on your toes and goes far too quickly for you to really make any judgments about anyone, let alone write them down.

But you don’t have to – yet. Another one of their rules to be broken is that instead of just getting one shot at someone, you speak to them twice. The first time, the men stay in their seats and the women move round. Turning another speed dating paradigm on its head. But for the second round women get to rest their feet and the men come to them. And, I suspect, we had a little longer to chat. This makes sure the power dynamic stays even, as apparently when you’re the stationary one, you are more critical of the people coming to you to be passed judgment upon. Makes sense I think.

In case you run out of things to say, they helpfully provide conversation starter questions. At first we weren’t sure if we were supposed to be using them or not but realized that they weren’t mandatory. Sometimes we used them, sometimes we didn’t. Sometimes I was very grateful for them, even if I did end up answering the same questions a couple of times.

It seems to be a generally accepted truth that more women sign up to speed dating events than men, for whatever reason that is. And that when men sign up the calibre is… let’s just say… uneven. Well, I don’t know how they did it but Date Lab managed to get the basement of The Coin Laundry (a bit of a retro-themed new bar in Exmouth Market) full of people who were pretty much all the right side of attractive, and mainly a young, 20sish kinda crowd.

I don’t go to speed dating to find the love of my life. I go for something fun to do, hopefully to chat to some entertaining people and if anything else happens it’s a bonus. I did actually get a few matches out of the event… they boast a 90% success match rate…but none have turned into anything. Perhaps that just means I need to return. 

Thom Foole's House Party, 5th May

What even is Thom Foole’s House Party, we kept asking ourselves as we waited for the upstairs to open. None of us were sure what we were letting ourselves in for. But we took the gamble and it paid off.

It’s a comedy night of s special sort. With our inimitable host Wilmot Brown, several acts took to the stage and had many of the audience literally crying with laughter.

These comedians are all ‘character’ stand-up with their own stage personas. And none of them were afraid to push the envelope. It was all very surreal and I can see that it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you like things a little off-kilter and making very little sense, then dive on into this night. We had a blast.

Wilmot himself is an older ‘gentleman’ (played by Marny Godden), certainly not suffering from a lack of confidence even if his career has seen better days. He’s a frisky sort too – at one point a member of the audience had been captured and was sequestered to the bed (why is there a mattress on stage??) for potential romantic liaisons later. 

The Establishment were the first act of the night (and perhaps my favourite) – two uberposh men, who crept through the audience uttering nothing but ‘mmmms’ and lasvicious ‘yeses’ as they peered at the audience members they passed. They were quintessential country Englishmen and dithered about onstage giving us a little window into their lives of silliness and casual arms dealing. 

We then had Lee Kern whose persona was someone incredibly awkward whose comedy act was to give us a presentation on the history of Rock and Roll. It was boring, it was dry and factual, he danced awkwardly, it was hilarious.

In between acts we had games! Yes, games. Musical statues, the equivalent of grandmother’s footsteps, charades, one lucky guy even got to play Kiss Chase with Wilmot. And there was a maypole dance. Oh – and Limbo! Yes, this night has it all.

Oh Standfast did what he called poetry/standup/art depending on whether you laughed or not (don’t laugh and it’s poetry, laugh and it’s standup – don’t get it? It’s art). And Sophie Pelham came on board with her two plastic babies strapped to her chest. I really liked the premise of her act and thought there was potential although it didn’t get quite the same belly laughs as some of the others.

The headline act was Mr Frank Sanazi himself. This old rogue is a crooner with the Axis of Evil rat pack, belting out the hits of Old Blue Eyes with a decidedly fascist twist. Expect lots of clever wordplay, taking some of the lyrics you’ve got to know and love and making them altogether more sinister. I think Frank was a pretty class act - he managed to get down the mannerisms of Frank Sinatra yet segue seamlessly into an impersonation of Mr Hitler. Who would have thought that combination would work so well?

If you’re of a sensitive nature then this night may not be for you, but if you’re up for a laugh, then you will get many at this event. Thom Foole knows how to throw a party.

Chill Pill, 10th March

It was no surprise that Chill Pill was great. I had been forewarned that it would be so, plus their reputation as one of ‘the’ spoken word collectives is widely known.

We got there a tad late so I think we missed the first open mic spot but other than that we saw the full show. It says something when even the open mic performers are of a ridiculously high quality. It attracts that. The ‘amateurs’ get to do one piece each, which I think is fair. We had someone reflecting on their love affair, someone imagining they were teaching the way of the world to their son, and another just giving us words that have helped her – basically go for it. But it wasn’t limited to spoken word. Gecko brought his guitar sang an incredibly amusing ditty about what it must be like to be in the painting opposite the Mona Lisa – neglected… unloved. Or is it…?

I think I had seen one of the two headliners before (there are only so many spoke word ‘stars’ to go around) but thinking about it, I think I may have seen her when she was first starting out. Anyway, she was amazing – Jasmine Ann Cooray. She spoke of her dad who has passed away and the love of her man’s hands with warmth and wit.

Of course The Chill Pill collective did a little of their own work as well – our host – Simon –treating us to various haiku inspired by his infant son. Deanna gave us a poetry video, where she questioned her desire to become famous and rich – something that hasn’t entirely gone away. She wondered if spoken word would be as powerful coming through a screen and I can confirm that it is.

The final act was Jack Flash who even had a backing band – one person on guitar and Karim (who co-runs Outspoken) on piano. He was an excellent performer, but somehow, even though I could agree with the message he was promoting, I didn’t warm to his act. Perhaps, as a cynical person my instinct was to roll my eyes at such blatant, earnest, political belief. Yeah, yeah, we’re all just human, we should be looking out for each other; whevs. Others I'm sure would find it rousing.

I'm not a regular visitor to such parts as Deptford but this was well worth the journey. 

Subversion, 26th February

The less said about my first trip to Subversion the better, but suffice to say, I couldn’t piece enough of it together to write about it so a return visit, even if it was all the way to Croydon was in order. And I am glad that I did.

I suspected I didn’t care much for it otherwise I would have remembered more but I loved it! This is definitely one for the BDSMers out there:  The dungeon takes centre stage in the main room and there’s no couples room for any sexy times. The play space was a hive of activity for most of the night, starting almost as soon as I arrived. The loud crack of a whip as I was ordering my first drink made both me and the girl behind the bar flinch. 

There was a separate dance floor and also music throughout the main room, with Simon Iridium DJing which meant the music quality was guaranteed and it didn’t disappoint. For most people, the focus is probably not on dancing here, and it wasn’t ever exactly full, but busy enough at the beginning of the night to conjure some atmosphere. Later on, there was only a handful of people persevering, as the club visibly quietened around 3 am.

There is, of course, a dress code and everyone makes the effort, and people were predictably friendly. I bumped into a few faces I recognized, which I find always makes my night more enjoyable, even if we can’t immediately figure out how we know each ofhter – it is fun trying to work out at which previous events we’d met.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the trip back. I was dreading going all the way back to East London on the bus but it only required two buses (much as it does from Elephant and Castle) though obviously the journey was quite a bit longer. But doable. I was completely prepared to write off Subversion and be pleased I wouldn’t have to trek down to Croydon ever again. Annoyingly, I don’t think that is the case…

Pinch, Strange Days, 20th February

Strange Days is the new 60s/indie pop night from the guys behind Star Shaped (which I have yet to get to).

It’s a monthly event at The Garage and we went along to the launch which was free to create a bit of hype. It was pretty much exactly what it says on the tin and if you’re a fan of the indie from yesteryear then you will absolutely love this night. The tunes were strong from the get-go and we danced and pogoed all the night through.

The one thing I would say is that in terms of recent indie music, there was a dearth. Tame Impala somehow snuck in but they were the only recent tune I can recall hearing and I thought it might have been because the song they played (Elephant) sounds very 60s anyway.

The only thing was that it was fairly empty – if you could have taken the crammed and sweaty vibe of Des Was a Bowie and swapped it for the crowd here, it would have made for a perfect night.

Pinch

Before heading over, we stopped in the very lovely, very charming Pinch, tucked on a side street way off the Kingsland Road stretch. It is well worth making the journey though. We arrived not too long before it shuts at 10:30/11ish and were welcomed in by the girl behind the bar who asked us what kind of flavours we fancied and made some perfect suggestions, before chatting to us about where we were going and what good places there were to go in the area. There were a couple of other couples in the place besides us, but it’s small so it didn’t feel empty. I think if this were my local you’d hardly ever get me out of it. It feels very different to Sager + Wilde, which up until now I would have said was my favouite wine bar, but I had an instant affinity with it. Sometimes things just click between you and a place. I can’t wait to bring my fellow wine lovers here.

Karaoke Rumble, 17th February

Karaoke Rumble is an odd night but it’s a hell of a laugh.

Hosted by the legendary Quint Fontana (the name may be familiar, he was huge in the 80s and 90s [or so he says]) this is a mix of comedy, karaoke and the X Factor.

Things kicked off at around half eight but there wasn’t even any singing until 9:30. At least, not by us mere plebs. There was however, an appearance by the French Queen of Ballads herself: Celine Dion**. She was just the first of the pop pals of Quint’s who apparently drop by these nights on the reg. Celine was in fine fettle and treated us to her most famous song – My Heart Will go On. The same cannot be said for poor Ronan Keating*** who turned up piss drunk and dressed in garbage bags. He’s fallen on hard times has Ronan. He didn’t even want to sing at first but he was forced cajoled into it by Quint and soon found his stride. If he makes a comeback, you heard it here first!

Quint's larger than life personality was entertainment enough but there was, of course, the singing. Those brave enough to put their names down had two minutes in which to impress the audience. You could be booed off in that time and if you made it before the buzzer went, you were in the final. To add insult to injury, three members of the audience were given plastic bags and if they all decided you were crap by putting the bag over their heads, that was it, you were out.

The overall winner is decided by the incredibly scientific method of clapping. A tried and trusted system.

There are no songbooks because they're using Lucky Voice's system and pretty much have anything you can think of. I managed to squeak into the final but next time I'd give a little more thought to my choice. You might not think it but 2 minutes goes by quickly so you want a song that is going to make an impact within that time!

I had a total blast and will definitely be trying to make room for this in my schedule again in the near future.  

**May not have been the real Celine Dion

***May not have been the real Ronan Keating.

Toppers, 12th February

Toppers was not my scene. As well you know, I like a fetish night as much as the next guy, but I’m more into a party with a little kink on the side, than making it the sole focus of my night out. The clue is really in the name - it's all about 'topping' someone (though of course you need plenty of bottoms around to do that).

It’s actually a bit of a mix of a social and playing, but there's no dancing element. It’s a super-friendly crowd, but very much skewed toward the older, submissive male (often with cross-dressing tendencies) and femme doms than any other persuasion. Which isn’t really what I’m into. I still managed to quite happily pass four hours in there as I had a couple of friends with me and am always happy to chat to different people. Pretty much anything goes as well and there were a few eye-opening scenes taking place. I’m happy to say I was the subject of some voyeurism myself, while I played rope bunny to my friend’s rigging and was suspended for the first time. If my poor circulation hadn’t let me down I could have merrily hung around for quite some time. It feels odd to not be responsible for the way your body is being held at all. In a good way!

If you’re into your BDSM with a male sub/female dom slant and don’t mind an older crowd then you’ll love it there. Or you just want to chat to some friendly kinksters without really getting into anything this would also be a good place to start. Although I must admit, there were a few guys who, while they didn't exactly creep on me, you could see their eyes light up to have someone new to possibly play with and the eagerness was a little offputting!

Des was a Bowie fan, 30th January

I don’t know who Des was, and so I cannot vouch for whether or not he really was a Bowie fan. And I cannot say how much Bowie would normally be played, as we went the weekend after Bowie’s demise so there was a LOT of it.

It was an odd night. It took place in The George, which is a pub. Not even a pub converted to a venue the way The Macbeth is. It’s just a pub. But people made do and danced where they could (including, at one point, on the tables – one woman was terrifically hammered). The crowd was mixed – mainly fairly young but with a few of an older generation who maybe group up with Bowie. Again, couldn’t say if this was due to his death, or due to the fact they’d been drinking in the pub the whole day and just found themselves at an indie night.

The music wasn’t completely my cup of tea – I like indie but I like all the stuff I grew up with and this went a bit further back and a bit deeper, playing quite a bit that I didn’t know. I made the most of it and danced along but wasn't left wondering when I could possibly get down there again.  

Outspoken, 26th January

I go to these spoken word nights and I always think, well, it can’t be better than anything else I’ve seen. But Outspoken knocked my socks off.

It has an excellent blend of music and spoken word and could be just the replacement for Poejazzi I was looking for. (Though I know it has been going four years already so shouldn’t be a ‘replacement’ as such).

I think the first half was the stronger half, starting with a slot earned by a performer at their open mic night who launched into an indictment on the way the media reports murder sprees/terrorism as he recounted his killing bonanza that turned out to be a dream, knowing he’d be reported as just ‘having a bad day’ because he is white.

So the start didn’t exactly pull any punches and so it continued with Nasima Hanif doing several pieces (sometimes with musical accompaniment – different) which centred on the theme of womanhood, especially from the perspective of being a Muslim. She meandered through abuse at home, sexual awakening and the very funny ‘Guide to telling your parents you are dating  a ginger, white atheist’. Fairly hard hitting but also humorous enough to keep it palatable.

Which is something I really like about spoken word done well – it can be humorous, yet more often than not it really makes you think. Most of the acts this night did just that.

Andy Craven-Griffiths followed this up with pieces primarily inspired by his thoughts on Kindness.

There were three musical interludes – the first, Chagall, a solo act who provided her own backing singers and backing music via these programmable gloves (mi.mu if you’re interested). Only two people in the world perform live using these. Some of the songs were straying a little too into Enya territory for my liking, but some of them had a very dark pulse that had my body moving. Of course it was very heavily electronica based.

The other two musical pieces were more traditional by comparison – an instrumental piano performance from Kamar (one of the hosts) and then the evening ended with Royce Wood Junior doing the singer-songwriter thing to piano, and then doing a couple of covers on guitar – one soul number, and one Prince. He had a beautiful, high, RnB type voice that was soothing to listen to.

It was my first Outspoken, as it was for the Meetup crew I took with me – all leaving trying to figure out if we could make the next one (which is on the 23^rd). I am always wary when a night is so good. Can they possibly keep the quality that high every month? Were we just lucky to come on a night when they knocked it out of the park? The fact it has been running so long assuages me somewhat that it was not a fluke and of course I am happy to test that. We shall return...

Joe's Camden, 23rd January

I think it says a lot that in the middle of January when almost the entire population of London had given up on reveling, Joe’s in Camden was heaving.

At first I thought it was just going to be us in the place, doing what we could to fill the dance floor but slowly and gradually the place filled until I suddenly became aware the place was busy as hell. And quite deserved. The place is a bar and does food during the day, but at night the jams are played and people start to jive. Every night is retro night, and they mostly play 50s and 60s rock and roll. So you can expect Chuck Berry and Elvis Presley but also the Jackson 5 and Etta James. We were rockin’ and rollin’ non stop. It’s very much an anyone’s bar – unlike a lot of the retro/vintage nights I’ve been to, the people here weren’t dressed especially authentically, nor taking up the dance floor pulling moves that would intimidate you into just gawping as an onlooker on the side. If you like Rock n Roll or Motown then this is where you want to head.

Great Big Kiss, 7th January

When I started my Meetup many moons ago, the very first night we went to was a 60s indiepop, northern soul night called How Does it Feel to be Loved at The Phoenix. I had never heard of it before but it was a rollicking good time and I decided I wanted to try its sister night Great Big Kiss where the focus was a little more on girl groups. Almost four years later and I crossed that off my List.

It was also held at The Phoenix which is a venue I have since come to know very well. It was a cold, rainy January night, and even though the turnout from my Meetup was actually about the same as normal, I think the number of people who would normally have come to the party was under par. We went downstairs at about 10 and it was pretty empty. It wasn’t much busier by 11 and had it not been for my Meetup group the dance floor would have been all but empty. But we’re an enthusiastic bunch and we got to dancing almost straight away. The music was a lot more authentic than I had anticipated. That's another way of saying none of us knew any of the songs. I had expected at least a few we would be able to sing along to. It was also a lot slower in tempo than we felt was ideal. More swaying than foot stomping. We suspected it might get a bit livelier come midnight, and it seemed to – a bit  - but still no songs we recognised. However, patience was key and within half an hour we were singing along to Beggin’ and Louie Louie. The night I would say had mostly focused on Northern Soul and much less on the Motown and indie it also advertised. For passing fans of the genre it was a long time to wait for the ‘good stuff’, but if you’re genuinely into this kind of music then you will love it.

You could easily tell the ‘fair weather' fans from the serious followers as they had the genuine dance moves down pat and were very much dressed the part. We weren’t. I had a fun night for sure and danced for a good couple of hours but I would probably not return to this night and go to Soul of the 60s or All shook Up instead.

Kinky Salon, 12th December

The very last rule of KSL is not to gossip about what goes on there. Which is what they say at many of these parties and I really hope that my write-ups of them would not be construed in such a way. I like to keep things general and give a flavour of what goes on rather than the specifics.

KSL has been rather built up in my mind as the epitome of a sex party – where everyone’s mind is on one thing and you’d better brace yourself. As ever with these things, it wasn’t quite such an overwhelming experience. You have to arrive within one hour of the doors opening as the evening is run by volunteers and they want to get mingling too. Depending on what time you get there then, you have an hour or two to mingle before the cabaret starts.

I’d been warned that the cabaret wasn’t that great and that once it was over everyone deserted the dance floor to get to the couple’s room. This wasn’t strictly true. Firstly, I really enjoyed the cabaret – there were a couple of traditional drag acts (male drag queens) and then the Family Fierce (female drag queens) also did an act. They were fresh and very funny. It was hosted by the supersexy Lolo Brow and everything she does turns to gold anyway.

But watching the cabaret was mandatory and meant that there was no more mingling and you couldn’t go to the bar. I had felt I was building up a nice momentum before the show started and when it ended it was a bit like the lights coming on and feeling disoriented – I felt back to square one, sober and wanting to make some connections, and worried that everyone who was there had already found someone, or had come with someone to cop off with and I’d be left dancing on my own. Wanting to dance, yes, but not necessarily solo. I needn’t have worried about this as the music came on and while there was a definite shift to the other areas there were still plenty of people bopping on the dance floor or getting some drinks. Mingling was achieved.

There wasn’t a whole host of things going on other than the play room and couples room after the cabaret had ended. There was a ball pit, and some croquet although I don’t think I saw anyone play it. I personally think it would have been nice if there were other entertainments. In fact, I think if Are you Game and KSL merged it would create the perfect night – do away with the show, and have lots of excuses for people to interact with each other instead.

I had been told that KSL was quite something to behold in terms of the sex and that was true. I won’t go into detail but there is a good amount of space devoted to ‘getting into a scene’ and I have probably never seen so many naked bodies in one place. The atmosphere was sexy yet light-hearted. You have to be friendly and see the humour in things when you’re getting it on with someone in such close proximity to others doing the same thing. Tripping over a bum or accidentally sticking your foot in someone’s face while they’re preoccupied with other things is taken in good spirit.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at KSL, so much so, that the above write-up is from when I went in October and I went back again in December when things were much the same (although the cabaret this time around had suffered a drop in quality). 

Wonderland, 5th December

When I first got to Wonderland, at a little before midnight I was a little worried. Where were all the people? Why weren’t the ones that were there as dressed up as me?

Forward to two hours’ time and all those cares had been forgotten. Sure, it wasn’t rammed but there were more than enough bodies to give the place some atmosphere and I didn’t feel like the odd one out in my choice of costume. I had such an excellent time. I hadn’t been before but had told anyone that asked that I believed it was a bit like Rumpus but on a smaller scale. I think that was a fair assumption. They had live acts, DJs and some ‘goings on’ and had completely transformed the Prince of Wales into an indoor festival.

We arrived and there was a laid back band playing some gentle ska type music. Later on Great Scott absolutely rocked the mic with their MCing and had the crowd in thrall. There was the great coronation of Queen Alice, much to the chagrin of the Queen of Hearts which involved confetti being sprinkled everywhere and much hoopla, and then another folky upbeat band a bit later. Plenty of entertainment. And that was just the one room – there was also another more focused on just dancing and a few little touches along the way, like a glitter shower (non-functioning when I went to explore it).

So, two rooms means it is a much smaller party than Rumpus. But I kinda liked that about it. I felt like I chatted to more people than I might at Rumpus, and also, didn’t have the fear of missing out on something going on. With all the acts happening in the one room, I knew where to go and at what time. Definitely took the FOMO out of my night.

The crowd was fun and friendly and before I knew it it was 5:45 am and time to start thinking about heading home. Wonderland – I will see you again!

Bound, 6th November

Bound is not for the faint-hearted if the one I attended is anything to go by.

It is a night for shibari enthusiasts and novices alike, shibari being the Japanese art of rope bondage. It was held at the Flying Dutchman which hosts many an alternative night, and is a cool, quirky little venue, though not the ideal set up for a performance space as we soon found out. If you didn’t nab your place, and were shorter than 6 foot, seeing any of the performances was out of the question. I realized this after the second act though and didn’t make the same mistake twice.

To start, there is some mingling, and then a demonstration of how to do some basic tying. There is plenty of rope around and people brought their own and there is time to practise and do some tying amongst yourselves before the performances start.

There were five scheduled for the night, due to end by 11:30. I ended up leaving at midnight (only just getting the last tube home) and had to miss the final act as they were so behind schedule.

I can only imagine what the last performance was about as the acts definitely increased in intensity as the night wore on.

Suspension featured in every act, but the level of ‘violence’ in each varied. The first act was quite gentle really – tender almost, with none of the tying looking too vicious. The second was the one I couldn’t really see but seemed to take this up a notch with a little more sadomasochism involved. The third show was thrilling and beautiful – a self-tying performance of twirls and sweeps as the girl expertly tied and untied herself to support her movements.

And finally (for me) an act fraught with tension and power that was almost difficult to watch. What made it bearable for me was knowing that the two involved likely had a deep connection and of course that everything that took place was consensual in some way. The previous pieces had been set to music but for this there was none. You could feel the puzzlement in the room as to why this was so (and a touch of boredom setting in) but as it went on, you realized how inappropriate music would have been and also how unnecessary. The girl of the pair, dressed in a sarong and flower pasties was trussed and bound until her knees were bent and she was hanging against a vertical pole. The rope around her looked menacing and cutting. Her pose was awkward and uncomfortable. She was expertly manoeuvred into several different positions – some better for the flogging she was subjected to. The tension built and built until it culminated in a final humiliation and her being untied, collapsing into her "tormentor"’s arms, her beautiful hair unpinned and falling over her face, where she quietly wept. (In relief? In pain? In ecstasy?). I couldn’t tell if I was turned on or horrified. That was almost a month ago and even now I can picture it all clearly, it was so striking and affecting.

I really wish I could have seen the final performance as well but Camberwell is hard enough to get back from when the tubes were running so off we dashed like Cinderella.