Liars League, 10th February

Liars League is a storytelling night with class and one that recognizes the perhaps awkward truth that just because you can write a kick-ass story, doesn’t mean you’re any good at reading it aloud. So Liars League teams good story writers with good story tellers to create a night of tales that is top notch. Each performer is a genuine actor, turning each short piece of fiction into almost a one-person play. Accents are adopted, actions are played out, and you are completely sucked into the narrative.

Liars League is a monthly event at The Phoenix on Tuesdays (The Phoenix fast becoming a place my Meetup group goes to regularly) and each event has a theme. Writers are invited to send in their submissions and then these are vetted by the ‘Liars’ who run the league to pick the cream of the crop and the ones that will work best for the event. They have to bear in mind that someone actually has to read these stories aloud and make them believable. So, for an example of one that didn’t make the grade – someone had written a story all about a person who could do all these amazing impressions. But that would mean the actor needed to be able to do all these impressions so regardless of how good the plot was, it wouldn’t work in Liars League. Once they have the stories, they need to match them to the actors. Any accents that feature prove a strong point to consider – they had to draft someone in especially for one of the stories we saw as they realized they didn’t have anyone who could do a Scottish accent. But more than that they just seemed to match the personas of the stories to the performers incredibly well so that you couldn’t imagine any of the other performers there doing any other story.

They have six pieces per night and an interval after the first three, plus plenty of time to chat and hang around after (when I got to talking to the compere for the night, Liam, who is a writer himself. Never a storyteller apparently although he does a bang-up job of hosting in an amusingly arch manner).

For this event we had the theme The Beautiful and the Damned (it was close to Valentine’s Day) and so we had a range of love-themed stories with many a non-happy ending. First, Selkie, the eerie tale of the disappearance of a man and his entire family – had he married a silkie and they’d all been taken out to sea?

Next we had a unique and unsettling story of this poor sap who had a tendency to fall and fall hard for people who didn't return his feelings. His tendency to pour out his emotions in poetry lead to his exploitation to create renewable energy. There's nothing like the pent-up energy of unrequited love to create a source of power!

We also had the hilarious story of Ger Sheen and the Satanists involving a literal motherf*cker and a bunch of satanists terrorising a poor sheep farmer. There was the sweet love story Gerald the Absolute Swine who finally meets his match. The rather sad Lag, about a prisoner on day release to attend a uni reunion, seeing the now-married ex he still has feelings for. And even a wizard story on the origins of Guinevere's beauty. You can watch the performances of the stories, or just read them yourself here.

And just to keep it even more interesting, at the end of the break there is a short, literary quiz. With books for prizes of course! This time they were giving out tacky YA romance novels in the main although one ‘real’ book was also a prize. This was much more informal than I expected – if you knew the answer you just had to shout out as soon as you knew it, as they read out clues to the title. So even though I figured out a couple I wasn’t brazen enough to pipe up. 

Stories and The Souls, 25th July

Last time I went to the Cat and Mutton I made the mistake of not having any food there. And this time – I kinda did again! Fate had determined that I was to have a work lunch that day and it kept me surprisingly full for so long that by the time we went to the Cat and Mutton for our dinner reservations, I wasn’t hungry. We did manage to fit in a couple of things, but first, we went to Stories.

Stories

There seem to be some places that you just instantly like, without even knowing why. Stories was that kind of place. It’s the sister venue of the Book Club and has that same kind of laid back, light and airy feel to it. Long tables in the middle and smaller ones round the edge are all loomed over by huge white lamps. 

We were there for drinks only but we saw other people’s food and it looked great. It also wasn’t too busy for a Friday night, meaning we could get a table and have a catch up without feeling cramped and without having to shout. We stayed for about an hour and had two cocktails, although the last one had to be gulped down rather quickly. We ordered at the bar but the drinks were brought to our table and I must admit the last one took so long to arrive I began to worry they’d forgotten about us.

Drinks were good – Alison had the Naughty which she wanted me to mention was possibly the best tequila cocktail she’s ever had. It was tequila, apple, cucumber, chili and lime. I had the Kiss and Tell – gin, strawberry and balsamic syrup, lemon and cucumber. I thought this was summery and fresh but I would say that the ingredients sounded more interested than they actually taste. However, for my next – a Likely – I was wowed. This was basically a rum and coke but with the addition of Disaronno, giving it an extra dimension. I could happily go back and while away a few hours sipping on these.

Find the menu & restaurant information on Zomato

Licky Chops (Pearl's) at Cat and Mutton

And so, we arrived at the Cat and Mutton and went straight upstairs to Pearl where we joked with the host about our need to make a reservation (it was empty). We got a bottle of wine to share – a nice picpoul, after much debate about trying the one recommended by our host until it turned out they didn’t have it! And then we still weren’t really hungry so we decided to get another bottle of wine. But I really wanted to try some food despite my lack of appetite so we also got some bread with smoked butter and the beetroot hummus with homemade vegetable crisps. As far as ‘nibbles’ go these were some high-end fare. The bread was amazing – chewy, dense. The butter was so thick it was like clotted cream – I never before have scooped bread into butter as if it were a dip. I loved the veggie crisps even if a couple were a tad chewy rather than crispy, and the hummus was lovely and light (though the beetroot seemed to mostly add to the colour rather than the taste). And our waiter was just lovely the whole time. I already liked the downstairs part of the pub but climbing those beautiful wrought-iron stairs is well worth it too for a less pub-like atmosphere.

The Souls

We ended the night on a high by dipping into The Souls (where Portside Parlour used to be). It’s still without any obvious sign it exists and is still incredibly dark down there, but it feels completely different to Portside cos now it’s all about the dancing! I would no longer use terms like ‘drinking den’ and ‘illicit’ instead I would say ‘party’ and ‘disco’! We ended up chatting to the guy who runs the place and his wife who’d been roped into working for the night but seemed to be having a whale of a time. Apparently his friend comes up with the cocktail concoctions while he concentrates on the ‘audio pleasure’ which is meant to be the main focus of the place. We had a taste or two of their frozen margarita which was great but for our nightcap I chose the fiery Fire and Ice - a dark and stormy with added storm (chili bitters). I would have happily stayed until it closed (about 2 am) – it was like stumbling on a private party getting into its stride (complete with resident cat uninterested in anyone) – but I had to get home. I was driving to Dorset the next day for a wedding! But I know I’ll be back.

Spark London, 16th January

Upstairs at the Ritzy, and I was beginning to get that slightly uneasy feeling I get when I've insisted on taking someone (namely Stephen) to something that I don't know too much about myself, and am starting to worry it's going to turn out to be a bit shit. There weren’t many people there at all and, knowing it was an open mic night, I hoped it wouldn’t turn out to be embarrassing for everyone involved, if no one was willing to tell a story. At about 8 pm, some sweets were distributed among the table, and someone took the microphone. She introduced herself as Mathy, gave a brief overview of what Spark is about, and welcomed to the stage the first speaker.  This guy had apparently ended up drinking in the Ritzy by chance after being banned for the foreseeable future from his regular drinking establishment around the corner. He was quite amusing as he took us through his last 24 hrs, which included being ‘tricked’ into accompanying his friend on a skiing holiday (but the backing out of it he said was another story) and how he may be up for disciplinary action at work because his boss thinks there are dubious reasons for his laptop being corrupted. This guy seemed quite a character and certainly made for an interesting beginning to the evening. I started to relax.

The audience was then given opportunity to get up on stage. No one volunteered and there was that familiar awkward silence hearkening back to everyone’s school years when the teacher asks if anyone wants to give an answer. Mathy reassured us that this always happened at this stage of the night and not to worry. Each of the hostesses told a story and then we had a break to give people time to be inspired and put their names down, and also to contribute to the tip cup, as the event was free, but not without running costs.

After the break two people had signed up to tell a story. The first was a girl whose resolutions this year were to keep up her running, drink more moderately, and to take it easy with the number of boys in her life. You can probably guess the outcome of these resolutions, especially as she was on stage divulging them to complete strangers. Funnily enough, she broke her drinking resolution at Secret Cinema on January 5th which is the same night I was there!

Next up, a German girl who revealed she really needed to be more punctual and stop being so cavalier when it comes to being on time for flights - it was costing her money and she was missing out on holidays. Then the hostess asked again if anyone else wanted to tell a story, and someone's arm went up. This person was relating a story that was told to them, the resolution being to continue to explore any island that crosses his path, just like his uncle did when he was seven and had to be rescued when his ‘ship’ (cardboard box) was lost at sea.

It was now time for another break. Someone had indicated they might be willing to get up and tell a story but they wanted a bit more dutch courage first. I wasn't drinking myself, but by this time I really wanted to get up and tell a story myself! I didn't though (like I said, I was stone cold sober) and I couldn't think of a well rounded story to tell. When we left Stephen said he would describe the night as inconsistent but I think this is no bad thing. As Mathy stressed at the beginning of the night, the people getting up weren't professionals at speaking in public, they just fancied telling stories in front of a willing audience. And if they can do it, then why not you? They've already proved that no one’s going to laugh at you, unless your attention was to raise a smile and you find yourself starting to picture yourself up there.

But as I said, tempted though I was, my participation only stretched to listening and when we entered the third 'half', another two people were willing to take the stage; one girl at 27 determined to turn into a homebody with her boyfriend and to get out and do more, and a guy who basically said never let your girlfriend join you when you're ' finding yourself' - the relationship won't last. And finally, one last girl got up to say she had come to the last event almost by accident and made friends there, so her resolutions was to do more random things. It was blatant Spark promotion but Mathy said she didn't pay her and I begrudgingly believe her.  I think, honestly, the girl was just a sweet person sharing her appreciation. And then, at the end of the night there were prizes for two of the brave souls who got up there, designated at random. With one of the prizes being a pair of tickets for the Ritzy, that's even more motivation to get up there next time.

I really enjoyed this night. At the first break there were about 30 people there but at least ten more came in later and chairs were scarce. Mathy had said at the beginning that it wasn’t a comedy show but of course, being English there wasn't a single story that didn't have a humorous element to it, even when one lady was in fear for her life, having found herself in a rundown taxi with a gun pointing at her from a glove compartment, potentially ready to go off with every bump in the road.

If you’re interested in going (and I think you should be) here’s when it happens: The open mic night, which we went to, happens monthly at the Ritzy, but they also have one at the Canal Cafe which I will also be attending at some point. That one is a bit more structured, with people signing up in advance and getting the opportunity to work with the Spark team to hone their story. Each event has a theme, published beforehand on their website. I will be thinking hard about a story for the next one.