To the Laser Cave, 16th May

To the Laser Cave was literarally full of shiny, happy people. Because To the Laser Cave is a rave with one key difference. Everything is about lasers (obvs), glitter, glowing and shininess. And almost everyone fully embraces this. It made such a difference from your common or garden East London rave.

Firstly, the venue was a lot smaller than I had expected, fostering a more intimate vibe in the first place. It was held at Bloc in Hackney Wick which I had thought would be a huge warehouse but it had just the one moderate room, with a second room holding the bar and a few largeish areas for seating.

But it also attracts a certain person - a certain mindset that thinks, yeah I like clubbing, but I know I'll like it even more if I stick a bunch of tin foil on my person and innumerable glow sticks. And they're right - it heightens the night, gives everyone something to talk about with everyone else.

The music was almost incidental but as far as I remember it was also pretty good. I danced. A lot. Fat Boy Slim's Weapon of Choice dropping was a memorable moment.

At around 5 am I was beginning to flag but my friend persuaded me to hold on for another hour and see it through. And I'm so glad I did. Just as the last song was played somehow, suddenly, the daylight flooded the room and everyone cheered. It was quite a euphoric moment and nothing like any ending to a clubnight I've ever been at.

I cannot wait to go back. 

Disco Dodgeball, 14th March

You all know the motto – Dodge Duck Dip Dive and Disco! Wait. What?

That’s right – disco!! Cos playing just plain ol’ dodgeball wouldn’t be any fun - Disco Dodgeball add dance into the mix! Not to mention animal fancy dress. It’s a tricky combination but in terms of fun that can be had it works a charm.

And so, I found myself in an edgy East London warehouse, a setting that would not feel out of place for illicit bare knuckle boxing, instead playing and watching games of dodgeball. I half expected dodgy bets to be taken in the corner but of course it was all just good silly fun.

I have to confess, we sucked. I had thought I had pulled together three teams of dodging might but serval no-shows left us severely depleted for our third team. Not a problem we though, we’ll just sub in people from our other teams. It was actually working quite well (well, apart from the fact we were losing every game) when all three of our teams were called to play at once, illuminating our lack of players. Somehow we still managed not to be disqualified as two teams were playing each other (4 on each side) so they just let us get away with it.

Ah yes, I mentioned we were losing. I’m totally putting this down to the fact that our teams were fluid entities, meaning we weren’t ever able to come up with a strategy, play to our strengths, or, more importantly, figure out our entrance battle. Where does this figure in dodgeball? Ordinareily it doesn’t. Balls are placed in a line and the two teams dash forward to try and get them, then dash back again to begin play. With disco dodgeball there is a dance off at the beginning of the match and whoever wins gets all the balls! This severely disadvantaged us. Without getting our team together to practice we lost almost every dance off and it was quite hard to avoid being hit when you had no balls. Still, I have to say this didn’t mar my enjoyment one bit. Playing was fun, doing the dance offs was tremendously silly, and watching everyone else’s dance off skills was quite eye-opening. These guys had brought their A game and had some serious moves!

My team (the bears) were the ultimate losers. It was announced that us and one other team had won the wooden spoon prize for being the worst. Or so we thought. I merrily went about changing out of my sneakers into my platforms for the afterparty, and to watch the remaining rounds. Some of my team decided to head home. We let go, grabbed some amazing (and massive) food from White Men Can’t Jerk and enjoyed the bouts which lead to the final. Then all of a sudden, my team was being called to play! We were supposed to do a final head to head with that other team for the wooden spoon prize! But we couldn’t get the team together and had to forfeit. We couldn’t even win the losingest game. Which, I think, makes us the ultimate losers. I’m kinda proud of that.

As if Disco Dodgeball with dance-offs wasn’t silly enough, they had hosts with the mosts in full-on disco gear (Niles Dodgers being the most glam) and our commentators were in full character form. It was all meant to be light-hearted fun and to keep it that way the motto was ‘Don’t be a Dick’. If you were found to be a dick (taking it too seriously, repeatedly not going out when you’re hit) you were forced to wear an inflatable penis. Seems fair. They could also penalize you by rolling out someone in a massive inflatable costume who would basically shield the other team from getting hit and thus put you at a disadvantage.

As I said, there was an afterparty, after – a mini Regression Sessions with ball pit, bouncy castle, space hoppers, absolutely wicked music just like last time, and a round of pass the parcel! I didn’t seem to notice or mind the age of the attendees this time, just had a serious amount of fun. I was kind of gutted that it started to clear out a couple of hours after the dodgeball ended and we decided to head to the bar over the way (Number 90). I had wanted to try this out in my last jaunt to the Wick but it had been shutting whne we got there. I feel I didn’t miss much. For an area that should be effortlessly cool, we all felt Number 90 was trying a bit too hard and wasn’t sure what it was meant to be. Wine bar? Pub? Gig space? It was none of these convincingly.

Here's a good montage of the tournament:

Disco Dodgeball vs Regressions Sessions : Battle of The Beasts

Motown Desserts, 1st February

Cakes in the window and a glittery sign attracted me to Motown Desserts a very long while ago and one balmy winter’s day I decided to pop in, having walked back from the Annual Clown Service and feeling like I’d walked off some calories. It was bigger inside than I imagined meaning I could sit in the back and ‘take advantage’ of one of their house specials rather than nabbing a piece of cake to take home.

This I regret. I think a piece of cake to take home would have been far more pleasurable than the mess I had. I wasn’t really sure what I fancied – mainly cake and ice cream but they didn’t have that exact combo so instead I had the Cloud Nine. This was lady fingers soaked in coffee with coffee and chocolate ice cream, whipped cream and a wafer. Sounded like a different take on tiramisu. But it was pretty horrible. The lady fingers seemed to have been soaked in warm coffee, and unevenly. Some of them were still rock hard, others had turned to complete mush which was an awful texture in the mouth, especially coupled with being warm. I didn’t expect the ice cream to reach Gelupo standards and it didn’t. It even had slightly chewy bits which I’m not really sure were intentional. I ate about three quarters of it until all that were left were the awful lady fingers and then I got out of there, paying £7 for the privilege.

The one thing I liked about the place was its main feature – a section of glass floor from where you can look down on sacks of coffee beans and records. Otherwise it was a swing and a miss for me. 

East London Liquor Co, 6th October

Once again London Cocktail Week was badly timed for me. Last year I was on holiday, this year I was in the middle of a month of ‘not drinking’. Of course, I had to make an exception for London Cocktail Week but not so much of an exception that I took full advantage of everything LCW had to offer. I didn’t attend any masterclasses or tours, I didn’t go to a different bar every night and I didn’t even get to Monkey Shoulder’s Cowbell Bar. But I DID manage to go out a couple of times in the week for a few drinks at discount prices.

My first stop was meant to be the Craft Cocktail Co. After much checking of Google, the LCW booklet and more I was assured the places I’d planned to go would be open on a Monday. Not so. We rocked up to the arch and found nothing but a shutter, forcing us to revisit Satan’s Whiskers up the road instead. On a Monday, getting in was easy peasy and we enjoyed their LCW offering of their Silver Pineapple (like a pina colada but without the horrible coconut) before ordering one each off their menu – a classic champagne cocktail for me, a New York Flip for Stephen. Mine was as expected, but Stephen’s was absolutely delicious, like a mini, liquid dessert, perfect for the cold weather outside.

From there we headed on to the East London Liquor Co, which is a fairly new addition to Mile End, and thus of much interest to me. It is closer to Victoria Park than Mile End so may get a little footfall, even though the area doesn’t get many visitors beyond those who live there. This place is also set back from the road, and it was a Monday, so I wasn’t surprised to find it bereft of clientele. It literally was empty when we walked in, making us feel guilty at putting the bartenders to work. They took it in good spirits though and we had a little chat with them about whether and how busy the place gets. Stephen recognised the male bartender and it turns out he was working at Hoxley andPorter when we went.

We stuck to the LCW cocktails here - the Darjeeling Sour, made with the East London Liquor company’s own Batch No. 1 Premium gin distilled on site. This was a light, frothy concoction, which would make pleasant sipping on a summer’s evening. The exact opposite of this evening in fact, but it was nice enough to warrant a cheeky second as a nightcap before heading home. I feel the place didn't have its best side on show as it was so very empty. I can imagine it doesn't ever feel exactly homely as it does have a warehouse feel to it, especially with the grand machinery of the distillery peering from the back of the bar. But, with the calibre of bartender, and based on our drink, a second visit is very much warranted. I"m feeling positively spoiled - this place and The Victoria right up the road from me!

The Lost Lectures, 16th May

The Lost Lectures aim to turn discover and learning into nighttime entertainment – something exciting and interesting far and above your usual lecture. And this they do. Picking unique and glamorous settings, such as The Troxy for this event, they encourage dressing up and making it a bit of a party.

To this, my first, there was a loose 1920s theme to fit with the art deco venue, though most people didn’t make that much effort with their costumerie. There was a regular bar, a cocktail bar manned by Barchick no less, and as well as popcorn they had street food from Speck Mobile (If you felt like braving the queues). I had been to the Troxy before and hadn’t expected them to make full use of the place, as it is huge. I thought we’d be kept on the ground floor around tables set up and I rather wish we had as I forgot to take my glasses with me, meaning the speakers and they accompanying visuals were all rather blurry.

Bizarrely, had we turned up a little earlier, we could have just grabbed one of the tables that had been sold for a higher price – no one was checking the sort of ticket you had, and indeed, I walked in without anyone checking I’d paid anything at all to be there.

The evening started promptly at 7:30 but still managed to overrun somewhat. Each of the speakers only had 20 minutes or so to talk, meaning they couldn’t delve too far into their subject but they were still able to give more than just a superficial overview.

First up we had Dame Sally Davies imploring us to wash our hands when we go to the bathroom in a big to fight the antibiotic-resistant bacteria which threaten to wreak havoc on our relatively disease-free countries. It was interesting and scary to hear all the routes that antibiotics can take into your body and why bacteria are building these resistances. Put simply, we took antibiotics for granted, pumping them into animals, vegetables and ourselves with nary a care for future generations and how they would fare when the ones we had ran out. And they’re running out now.

Then we had Vicky Pryce who, at first, I thought was telling us trivial stories about her time in jail, but who actually talked in a meaningful way about reform of the prison service, especially for women, many of whom, in her researched opinion, are there through circumstance rather than being evil people who need to be locked up. It was hard not to empathise with her way of thinking (and I am a liberal lefty after all).

We then heard all about the dark web and how it will soon be more accessible to everyone. Our speaker was keen to point out that, yes, it may be somewhere terrorists and paedos can lurk without fear of prosecution but there is also a more altruistic, moralistic side to it that cannot be dismissed out of hand. It’s not just a place to buy drugs, although, yes, you can do that pretty easily too.

Before the next act we had something of an intermission which we used to buy a cocktail from the Barchick bar. They lived up to my expectation, being so alcoholic they made me cough. Mine came in a fake medicine bottle and my friend’s was served in two water pistols. Yes, you had to shoot the cocktails into your mouth!

After watching some rather odd dance moves while the stage was set up for the scientist Andrew Szydlo, we watched his mad cap experiments unfold. This guy was like the Keith Floyd of Chemistry – in that I mean he was the very definition of eccentric, speaking so quickly you could barely keep up, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if he were drunk. Hilarious.

We then had Nir Paldi speak on what it means to provoke an audience, and what happens when you manage to do so, but not in the way you had envisioned, recalling one of his drag performances on the Israeli-Palestine conflict that threatened to get too heated, which was thought provoking in itself. And we rounded off the evening with a thigh-slapping performance from the Hackney Colliery Band doing modern songs to a swing rhythm, which, as the loyal readers of my blog that you are, you’ll know I adore.

Interesting, education and entertaining in equal measure.

*Photos (c) Richard Davenport (except for the crap one of the cocktails).